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Dad

 A daughter trained by her philosophical father can never go wrong! You are the reason I am scared of loss and failure! And, you are my invisible strength, my idol. I want to be a builder like you. I am so similar to you, your xerox copy but I realized it was too late until I lost you! If only I had some power to bring you back or meet you in a place where we can talk, see you, hold you. I long for you so much dad, everything about you or related to you triggers me. If God wanted to give me a sense of loss and grief, why does it have to be losing you! It's been 15 years, still the loss and void is upfront. Bitter. New. If only I knew! Now I understand the architect's obsession with making sculptures. Islam says to let go of dead people, not to keep any photos or statues. But, if only prohibition could stop me remembering you! If only moving forward could fix me, heal me. Of only time knew with time - the pain doubles. The grief widens. And so the awareness  of loss! If only ti...
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Bubbles

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  Locked in the imaginations,  Caught in the bubble of realities,  But once she preferred the bubble of illusions!  Let the kiddo remain in the bubble,  Let her play for a while with her hair,  Bite her nails,  Smudge mud on her hands!  Smudge mud on her hands!  Paint the walls with bluish red! Let her playfulness wrap around the garden long before time stops,  Long before the alarming clock says to put on a pause!  Stop! Stop! You are now grown up. You can not play with fire nor water. You are too cold and too hot to be handled!  The bubble of illusions broke! And so her happiness.  Let her inner kid remain happy for a while in the bubble untill those are taken away!  Let her play with her fingers untill those are chained in shackles,  Shackles of failures, Let her be there- in the bubble, The bubbles of illusions remains her happy place! ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Time stamp: 5 pm, Mirpur Cantonment. 
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Vulnerability and Happiness

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  Well, Vulnerability taught me the value in authenticity and genuineness,  We are all kind of stuck in a loop of vulnerability,  Everyone is struggling with their vulnerability, Some are financially vulnerable,  Some are socially vulnerable,  Some are personally vulnerable,  Some are emotionally vulnerable,  Some are physically vulnerable,  Some are ecologically vulnerable,  The distribution of vulnerability is uneven though but the share of it is inevitable!  In human life we are meant to suffer and suffer eternally,  So I think being happy momentarily is delusional, I don't want to suffer in the illusion of being happy instead I want to feel genuine happiness, not chasing it but securing a place peacefully owning it completely -the fleeting chance! Otherwise, I am comfortable in my suffering,  I don't count two cents of scatters what others delusionally splash over!  Happiness is nothing but the subdued colours of dragg...
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অকেজো হার্ট

 আমি যখন থেকে বুঝতে পারি আমার হার্ট দুর্বল তখন থেকেই আমি একটু একটু করে দুনিয়াদারি থেকে সরে আসতে শুরু করি কিন্তু দুনিয়া আমাকে ছাড়ে না। কি আর করা! সার্ভাইব করতে হবে ত! টিকে থাকার এই লড়াইয়ে একেবারে মনের জোরেই বলতে গেলে সব করতে থাকি। বুঁনতে থাকি একের পরেক মনের কথা কলমের কালিতে। আমি যখন অতিরিক্ত ইমোশনাল স্ট্রেসের জন্যে ঘুমাতে পারতাম না, মাথার যন্ত্রণায় হাঁসফাঁস করতাম, বুকের বা পাশে চিন চিন ব্যথায় দম বন্ধ বন্ধ লাগত, যখন সারারাত ঘুমাতে পারতাম না নানাবিধ চিন্তাভাবনায়, তখন কলম ধরি। খুব ফ্যান্সিভাবে বলে ফেললাম কলম ধরি। আসলেতো, মোবাইলের স্ক্রিনে, ল্যাপটপের স্ক্রিনে টাইপ করতে থাকি। মনের ব্যথা, ক্লান্তি, রিয়ালাইজেশন, ফিলোসোফি, রিফ্লেকশুন্স, অবজার্বেশন সব আমার লেখায়- কবিতাগুলোতে ফুটিয়ে তুলি আর সেই সাথে একটু একটু করে নিজেকে হারাতে থাকি। হতাশায়, শুণ্যতা, বিচ্ছিন্নতায় ভুগে ভুগে আরো আইসোলেটেড হতে থাকি আর একাই সাফার করতে থাকি। সেজন্যেই সম্ভবত হয়ত আমার প্রথম ম্যানুস্ক্রিপ্টের নাম দিয়েছিলাম - শিল্পীর মৃত্য। প্রত্যেকটা শিল্প ত আসলে শিল্পীর মরণই ত!  আমি জানি আমার একেকটা পার্ট আমি দিয়ে দিচ্ছি আমার শি...
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Deconstructed Beautifully

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 Ya Rab deconstructs beautifully.  Look at his patterns,  Can you understand his psychology?!  See the grass fields so green, Before there were any signs of grass,  It was ploughed deep.  The broken moist field gives genesis to grass gleans and the grass finch! Look at the horizons,  Before rain there were heavy clouds soaking some weight from earth;  Then returned it some ease. Purity.  See the seeds,  Before growing into a seedling it was grounded into dark haven, It had to cut through itself to grow.  What an evolution!  Don’t you see the trees and chirping birds and moths and caterpillars?!  They all have grown through brokenness and evolved.  Your Rab breaks you to build up,  Your Rab deconstructs before constructions.  And, then reconstructs for infinite times.  He has seen the infinity, you haven’t.  He is the infinity, you are liminal. Tell me, which of the favors are you not going to ackno...
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Mid Night Prayers (Tahajjud)

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Ascend.  Call your Rab. He is listening.  Uplift that exhausted soul, Awaken your tired asleep conscience.  Ya Rab knows what have you been through.  How much will you mourn?! Mourn the loss that redirected you to the one and only?!  Your Rab hears to every mourning souls.  Ascend.  Ascend higher with the calling of your God. Allah is listening.  And, believe he is going to provide you very soon.  Believe that he will amend the losses you have overcame.  If it was not the Rab then how would you anyways glow?! If it was not for the Rab then how would you possibly survive in this cold world all alone?!  Ascend. Call your God.  For every prayers you offer at mid night, Allah grants your wishes and eases your burden. Tahajjud is a miracle if only you could grasp the alchemy of it. Mid night prayers does not only change your situations it transmutes them into magical reality. The real alchemy is in those silent prayers, The conversa...
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Insignificant Human Beings

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 I don't love or cherish or adore any humans, Though, I try my level best to understand them.  Sign of extreme misanthropy and nihilism?!  Maybe or maybe not!  Actually, I don't love anymore 'Man' who think themselves as 'God',  Who thinks they own you,  And, label you as their properly adorned property,  and home.  The concept of home is beautiful until I have to pay the rent for living in it,  The concept of paying rent is also tolerable if only I belonged in it.  I defy such meaningless role that make me feel any 'less',  I defy such character that tries to put chain on me when I am only a walker of straight zed lines not the passenger of cross roads on the board,  When I know my own limit who are you to limit me?!  When I acknowledge the liminality of being human, who are you -the other insignificant liminal humans to order rules over me?!  I defy such roles with pride.  Those who can't embody god behaves 'go...
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A Story of the Bug and The Wisdom Tree

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  Yes, we had love but it couldn’t evolve. Evolve into the quiet one that would prevent storm. We both lived in different dorm in different form, Where we could no longer recognize who we are to each other, We have outgrown the need of being together ...  But, however, it is also beautiful.  A beautiful ending.  We have surpassed the need of being visible.  But, quietly we hold place in each other's memory.  Regret?!  Possibly.  Or not.  Regret that we could bloom into a beautiful flower if only the ground was soft and the humid conditions gave chance, Chance to pollinate each other's womb of thoughts.  If only we could speak to each other's mind,  Read each others' soul's language.  We could unite into a beautiful song.  But, anyways the song would always have sad lyrics,  As our roots were not solid.  The roots of intentions.  Polluted intentions colliding each other broke the destined union, alas!  I...
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Dad's DNA

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  My dad's DNA is rocking,  Cause I knew in this race his DNA was wired to succeed, it was predetermined.  My dad's DNA is standing on the stage performing, I am not stranded from you dad,  I am you, you are me. We are no different.  Look into the mirror and tell me what you see,  For not everyone can survive their own reflections!  And, yes, when see that image in those broken pieces I learnt that one thing for sure- I am a progress in momentum,  A wave in the ocean,  And, I have to move with purpose,  Move with purpose to end up in my destination.  Boom!!!!!!  Metamorphosis!!  Yes I am sitting on that axis,  Healing. Recovering.  Not just restoring but transformating. I became the butterfly that I ever wanted to chase. I am powerful.  I am magical. I stand firm with my truth- My truth is I am the part of the great psychic.  ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian (Nancy)
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Believer

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 My religious beliefs belong to my personal space,  It can't be politicized.  I lay down my own narratives stemming from my perspectives, and yes I filtrate them out before even enmeshing.  I have cleansed my thoughts before even speaking my mind out there.  Before giving a sermon I had been a sinner,  So I know every bits of it.  Sin of being a knower?!  I am completely aware of it. Before reviving I have encountered spiritual deaths thousand times-  Born and reborn in the spiritual world before I got into this material world,  I know someone higher has performed exorcism on me. He took mission of cleansing my soul, My higher visions and thoughts, Guided my perceptions through emotional clarities. I know God, I have seen him through my feelings. I have felt him when I had none. My religious outlook is based on my experiences,  So, I won't allow others to exploit it or name call it from their experiences and point of views. My relig...
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A Promise from Fate

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  Farheen Akter Bhuian Customize New Edit Post Howdy,  Farheen Akter Bhuian Skip to content farheenancy@gmail.com Farheen Akter Bhuian ফারহীন আক্তার ভূঁইয়া A Promise from Fate Farheen Akter Bhuian August 6, 2025 3:49 pm No Comments English Poem ,  Writer's own thoughts!   I know I began late, but, I promise, I will end it in a most most beautiful way, Not chasing anything ensures your becoming,  The thing that you don’t chase- you become!  You can now see the beaming light,  The branches of trees touching the sunlight and scented air,  It has become a devoted saint. Before it reached there,  It was cut half,  Laid bare open to the insects,  Before the greens it digested pesticides.  It had to give up living so many times!  It had to shed it’s own skin to feel alive again. Do you see the fallen leaves?! It once belonged to the mango tree.  Look at her now,  She is growing new leaves while still grieving for the fo...
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