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I can not read a haraf, what a harassment! 

I can not read a makhraz, how mundane! 

I can not utter a word of light, can not pronounce tashdeed, how turbulent I am! 

I have lost the magic of fluency that once flourished into the eden of my heart, 

I lost the spark that used to glow in my face and I lost the zest that once used to reside in my chest! 

I lost, I lost, I lost! 

I was wandering around bushes, 

But, once I was guided, 

I used to have a walk in the eden,

Then a storm came and I lost my way in the forest- dark, embedded and shrouded, 

I had to walk a long alley finding my way back, 

I had to cross oceans before I could reach the designated island, 

It was dark, gloomy and murky all the way, 

But, covered in mud, suddenly I discovered, 

I was neat like a clean slate! 

And, then, came the wind whispering in my head, 

The whirlwind of events staining the curtain, 

The curtain was once clean-

Bearing colors of light- 

White and blue and bright,

But, then a evil sun set arose and the arrival  of gloomy days began!

What I thought was light was actually obscurity,

What I thought was clarity was falsity, 

What I thought was love was brutality, 

What I thought was knowledge was diversion, 

A severity of epilepsy- without any guidance,

That could take me to home, 

Or, build one!

I was wandering around the bushes-

Dull and dried, 

Tried all the fruits it could offer!

They were banal and tasteless,

They were addictive with a bit of additives without any fragrance.

I was lost. 

And, then, one day I lost all what I had, 

At least, what I thought were mine,

The castle that I  built in haste and hassle was torn upside down,

I thought it was over! 

I can not build again! 

But, I found a new truth, 

A hidden light in it,

The castle was built on weak foundations, 

How could it shine?

How could it sustain my hopes- be eternal and everlasting?! 

I found myself again- this time more aware, 

With solid foundations! 

I am building a home from the scratch-

Brick by brick-

Guided by the Arsh, 

That was always looking over yet sometimes it was harsh- only for me to realize! 

Realize- what's mine and what's not!

Who I am, and who I am not! 


©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 

Time Frame: 1.30 pm, Mirpur Cantonment. 


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