Existence

 Those who have superiority complex themselves are insecured about something, feels inferior and hence, they show superiority infront of the weak to get that inner validation and satisfaction. That's how they reassure themselves that they are happy, atleast in some aspects than the other ill fated ones and then they show off their blessings in front of those who lack these, those who are grieving -may it be job, relationship, success or familial blessings. They intentionally do this to feel better themselves by reinforcing the lacking in the other person. Either they lack depth or understanding that they are hurting the other person who doesn’t have such smooth journey, or they do it intentionally- just to prove themselves that they are happy. They get inner satisfaction by exerting themselves excessively in front of the grieving person, that makes them feel empowered, atleast in front of a weak person. They gain their confidence from seeing the lacking of the weak person and validate their advantages. The social advantages that they have a secured home or job, secured and stable life and in the contrary the weaker person don't. Showing off becomes their weapon then to dictate the ambience. They weaponize it to express themselves, to show how blessed and secured they are- not knowing that the other person might have a silent dream to have it all, they are exhausted trying to amass it, to have it built from the scratch, balancing it all together, their grief and personal-professional- social life. Some have broken dreams with broken homes, unsaid traumas, tribulations and turbulances, still they choose to appear, to confront, to be present in the daily affairs. Some have to chase the chores, belong to the world forgetting their sufferings that only they know. And, again there are some people who choose to smile, smile over with all the burdens they carry and they don't try to project. Project or dump their feelings of loneliness, frustration, depression on other people, people whom they are close with, or with whom they are distant. They just exist belonging to none, grinding into the grit continuesly they exist like a flowing river that flows on and on, on the same direction to the sea, over and over again, with ebb and tides. Sometimes peaceful, sometimes turbulent. Sometimes soothing, other times violent. They just exist on their own, in their tune. That's how I would like to say about myself. I am like a river. I exist in the most existent way I can. The compounded stress could not steal my smile, ugh, I scoff at the atrocities but staying present at the present moment in this dim city does awaken my integrity and igniting passion for the intricate delicacies- all those broken dreams integrating into my wholeness. Yet I bloom like the blooming flower so tender, as delicate as I am and as sober as those petals, who draws my attention and makes me feel precious in the mundane days! Some invoke pleasure, some invoke curiosity- the most unrealistically realistic feeling that invites us to be awakened, to know the unknown, to learn new experiences, to be aware of the blessings and lacking, strength and weakness, to know that I am enough and not enough both at the same time. Knowing that I am the entirety but not entirely complete, and I am relearning to feel holistically, because only the comprehension of wholeness of matters, will educate me to endure, endure with the understandable things and the non understandable things that I do not understand. But, understanding definitely helps. It helps to clear vision and alleviate pain. Finding meaning in everything you do and others do makes you empathetic and with the same empathy you can offer help. Help those who are in need to hear some positive affirmations, and help yourself..... Though, sometimes you don't know which path to walk. Hopelessness is like a disease and there is no cure. But, trying to understand despair helps to find way out, way back to home. Home where peace belongs, sometimes a person may become your home and sometimes you might be that home to the other person. Sometimes It's the sole journey of yours, trying to be at home with yourself, then welcome others and allow to stay in, sometimes your heart is blocked and so the gate of the home. Sometimes It's just so full with grief that you don't allow other's complexities to enter in your abode. Your heart is a complicated place, so is your thoughts and existence, your innocence and worth. Time tricks with your identity. Time sometimes remolds you. You don't know what you are going to be with time and how they are going to be. Nobody is permanent but time is a stubborn player, a trickster and it knows how to be triumphant. How to play with your emotions. 

©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 

Time Frame:3.46 pm,MIST, Mirpur Cantonment.