Writer's own thoughts!

 আমি যখন থেকে বুঝতে পারি আমার হার্ট দুর্বল তখন থেকেই আমি একটু একটু করে দুনিয়াদারি থেকে সরে আসতে শুরু করি কিন্তু দুনিয়া আমাকে ছাড়ে না। কি আর করা! সার্ভাইব করতে হবে ত! টিকে থাকার এই লড়াইয়ে একেবারে মনের জোরেই বলতে গেলে সব করতে থাকি। বুঁনতে থাকি একের পরেক মনের কথা কলমের কালিতে। আমি যখন অতিরিক্ত ইমোশনাল স্ট্রেসের জন্যে ঘুমাতে পারতাম না, মাথার যন্ত্রণায় হাঁসফাঁস করতাম, বুকের বা পাশে চিন চিন ব্যথায় দম বন্ধ বন্ধ লাগত, যখন সারারাত ঘুমাতে পারতাম না নানাবিধ চিন্তাভাবনায়, তখন কলম ধরি। খুব ফ্যান্সিভাবে বলে ফেললাম কলম ধরি। আসলেতো, মোবাইলের স্ক্রিনে, ল্যাপটপের স্ক্রিনে টাইপ করতে থাকি। মনের ব্যথা, ক্লান্তি, রিয়ালাইজেশন, ফিলোসোফি, রিফ্লেকশুন্স, অবজার্বেশন সব আমার লেখায়- কবিতাগুলোতে ফুটিয়ে তুলি আর সেই সাথে একটু একটু করে নিজেকে হারাতে থাকি। হতাশায়, শুণ্যতা, বিচ্ছিন্নতায় ভুগে ভুগে আরো আইসোলেটেড হতে থাকি আর একাই সাফার করতে থাকি। সেজন্যেই সম্ভবত হয়ত আমার প্রথম ম্যানুস্ক্রিপ্টের নাম দিয়েছিলাম - শিল্পীর মৃত্য। প্রত্যেকটা শিল্প ত আসলে শিল্পীর মরণই ত!  আমি জানি আমার একেকটা পার্ট আমি দিয়ে দিচ্ছি আমার শি...

 Ya Rab deconstructs beautifully.  Look at his patterns,  Can you understand his psychology?!  See the grass fields so green, Before there were any signs of grass,  It was ploughed deep.  The broken moist field gives genesis to grass gleans and the grass finch! Look at the horizons,  Before rain there were heavy clouds soaking some weight from earth;  Then returned it some ease. Purity.  See the seeds,  Before growing into a seedling it was grounded into dark haven, It had to cut through itself to grow.  What an evolution!  Don’t you see the trees and chirping birds and moths and caterpillars?!  They all have grown through brokenness and evolved.  Your Rab breaks you to build up,  Your Rab deconstructs before constructions.  And, then reconstructs for infinite times.  He has seen the infinity, you haven’t.  He is the infinity, you are liminal. Tell me, which of the favors are you not going to ackno...

Ascend.  Call your Rab. He is listening.  Uplift that exhausted soul, Awaken your tired asleep conscience.  Ya Rab knows what have you been through.  How much will you mourn?! Mourn the loss that redirected you to the one and only?!  Your Rab hears to every mourning souls.  Ascend.  Ascend higher with the calling of your God. Allah is listening.  And, believe he is going to provide you very soon.  Believe that he will amend the losses you have overcame.  If it was not the Rab then how would you anyways glow?! If it was not for the Rab then how would you possibly survive in this cold world all alone?!  Ascend. Call your God.  For every prayers you offer at mid night, Allah grants your wishes and eases your burden. Tahajjud is a miracle if only you could grasp the alchemy of it. Mid night prayers does not only change your situations it transmutes them into magical reality. The real alchemy is in those silent prayers, The conversa...

 I don't love or cherish or adore any humans, Though, I try my level best to understand them.  Sign of extreme misanthropy and nihilism?!  Maybe or maybe not!  Actually, I don't love anymore 'Man' who think themselves as 'God',  Who thinks they own you,  And, label you as their properly adorned property,  and home.  The concept of home is beautiful until I have to pay the rent for living in it,  The concept of paying rent is also tolerable if only I belonged in it.  I defy such meaningless role that make me feel any 'less',  I defy such character that tries to put chain on me when I am only a walker of straight zed lines not the passenger of cross roads on the board,  When I know my own limit who are you to limit me?!  When I acknowledge the liminality of being human, who are you -the other insignificant liminal humans to order rules over me?!  I defy such roles with pride.  Those who can't embody god behaves 'go...

  Yes, we had love but it couldn’t evolve. Evolve into the quiet one that would prevent storm. We both lived in different dorm in different form, Where we could no longer recognize who we are to each other, We have outgrown the need of being together ...  But, however, it is also beautiful.  A beautiful ending.  We have surpassed the need of being visible.  But, quietly we hold place in each other's memory.  Regret?!  Possibly.  Or not.  Regret that we could bloom into a beautiful flower if only the ground was soft and the humid conditions gave chance, Chance to pollinate each other's womb of thoughts.  If only we could speak to each other's mind,  Read each others' soul's language.  We could unite into a beautiful song.  But, anyways the song would always have sad lyrics,  As our roots were not solid.  The roots of intentions.  Polluted intentions colliding each other broke the destined union, alas!  I...

  My dad's DNA is rocking,  Cause I knew in this race his DNA was wired to succeed, it was predetermined.  My dad's DNA is standing on the stage performing, I am not stranded from you dad,  I am you, you are me. We are no different.  Look into the mirror and tell me what you see,  For not everyone can survive their own reflections!  And, yes, when see that image in those broken pieces I learnt that one thing for sure- I am a progress in momentum,  A wave in the ocean,  And, I have to move with purpose,  Move with purpose to end up in my destination.  Boom!!!!!!  Metamorphosis!!  Yes I am sitting on that axis,  Healing. Recovering.  Not just restoring but transformating. I became the butterfly that I ever wanted to chase. I am powerful.  I am magical. I stand firm with my truth- My truth is I am the part of the great psychic.  ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian (Nancy)

 My religious beliefs belong to my personal space,  It can't be politicized.  I lay down my own narratives stemming from my perspectives, and yes I filtrate them out before even enmeshing.  I have cleansed my thoughts before even speaking my mind out there.  Before giving a sermon I had been a sinner,  So I know every bits of it.  Sin of being a knower?!  I am completely aware of it. Before reviving I have encountered spiritual deaths thousand times-  Born and reborn in the spiritual world before I got into this material world,  I know someone higher has performed exorcism on me. He took mission of cleansing my soul, My higher visions and thoughts, Guided my perceptions through emotional clarities. I know God, I have seen him through my feelings. I have felt him when I had none. My religious outlook is based on my experiences,  So, I won't allow others to exploit it or name call it from their experiences and point of views. My relig...

  Farheen Akter Bhuian Customize New Edit Post Howdy,  Farheen Akter Bhuian Skip to content farheenancy@gmail.com Farheen Akter Bhuian ফারহীন আক্তার ভূঁইয়া A Promise from Fate Farheen Akter Bhuian August 6, 2025 3:49 pm No Comments English Poem ,  Writer's own thoughts!   I know I began late, but, I promise, I will end it in a most most beautiful way, Not chasing anything ensures your becoming,  The thing that you don’t chase- you become!  You can now see the beaming light,  The branches of trees touching the sunlight and scented air,  It has become a devoted saint. Before it reached there,  It was cut half,  Laid bare open to the insects,  Before the greens it digested pesticides.  It had to give up living so many times!  It had to shed it’s own skin to feel alive again. Do you see the fallen leaves?! It once belonged to the mango tree.  Look at her now,  She is growing new leaves while still grieving for the fo...