Words

 মানুষ থাকে মায়ায় আসলে, ভালবাসায় না।

I am my own judge, I am examining my standards, my limits, my bounds, my strength, my dreams, my bounds, my patience. 

With every interactions, with each occurance, 

With every incidents and daily events, 

I click the check boxes what triggers me and what not, and how I react. 

Which circumstances denote my strength, which shows weakness,

I am my biggest judge, I judge my own show, 

I see myself performing,

How well I perform, 

I clap and punish me for my performance. 

What a eminence radiates through your determination. 

Sometimes, I check how willful I am.

They say me I am stubbornly determined, 

I examine my stubbornness. 

My rigidity that I have built after patience,

After so many upheavals. 

At times, the heart felt heavy,

The lungs as if failed,

I couldn’t breath,

I used to hold my tears,

Still, I do struggle controlling my triggers and fears, they tend to fall out from my eyes as if pearls of emotions. 

Tear drops tend to fall out from my carefully crafted stoic face in the faceless situations. 

Phase after phase, I examine all my faces.

What I hold, what I don't, 

What I have, what I have not,

What I can have, What I might not. 

I am curating my own shadow that I leave behind. 

I create my own reality, the duality I live on, 

But, I try.

The strength that consumes I deny, 

The confession that I made I oblige by. 

"He kissed me with such gentleness that my whole history of being loved badly simply fell away."