Writer's own thoughts!

You didn't see my worth or you did, You just wanted to cut me down,  Cut my piece of achievements,  I wanted to see your worth so that I don't regret  later on, but, I am sorry I don't see any worth in you,  You are worthless, You don't have any peak so you pretend to be a mountain,  You are not sharp so you attempt to be a sword and speedy like a fountain.  But, whatever you do is always a pretense,  And, a genuine essence can sense the fake from miles, your fake attitude is as fake as your ego,  Do wanna know what makes you worthless?! It's your false ego you are blinded by!  ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy Circa: 2023, Rokeya Hall, DU

There was a sun so harsh  And, a moon beneath so kind!  Both clashed in the hindsight - They dismissed their grief- Holding hand in hands- They whispered-  Hey, I am your light and you are my shadow, We complement each other, right?! ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy  Circa: 2023, Rokeya Hall, DU

You taught me how to kill my emotions and move forward,  After doing this, I learnt I killed a part of you inside of me, cause you were my weakness!  You were the center of my emotions. After killing the imaginary you,  I came to see the real you,  The horrible you, The disgusting you,  After killing all the emotions inside of me,  I came to know the real you,  You were just an illusionary story made up in my mind, and I let you play with my mind for a long time,  Now, I see you are nothing but a vague figure and I had enough of your mind games! Now, back off and get lost,  Don't mess with my freedom,  I am born to rise,  Born for running a marathon, I owe to none and nobody owns me,  No more now, not again,  You were a looser whom I treated like a king, just remember!   ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy Time Frame: 24 Feb, 2023, Rokeya Hall, DU

One last tear drop, But, I don't want to shed it for you,  I don't want to remember you,  I've cried a ocean when I was with you! One last tear drop in our farewell,  I didn’t want to leave you.  Every thoughts about separation I ever had imagined was to hug you and bid a good bye,  You didn’t give me the chance to say good bye to you.  What if the phase didn’t end such way?!  What if we admired each other, looked last time in the eyes and cried showing gratitude - Thanking each other for being together for sometimes in this lifetime!  What if I had not run away from you,  Instead give you a farewell kiss and a tight hug- Saying the sweet words for the last time and shed a tear drop in the remembrance of you! What if our final destiny was not so crude, What if we didn’t curse each other but stayed aloof?!  One last tear drop shun in the corner of my eye, But, I don't want to cry,  I am saving it for the good time when you can unders...

Immense  love causes acute pain,  If a bond was meant to be ephemeral,  Why do we even cling to it?!  Why at the first place, we build a rock foundation with wrong connections?!  Why do we dream? Why do we feel connected at a time and disconnected at the same time?! Why do we feel associated and dissociated,  Engaged and disengaged both at the same time?!  Why do we feel the need of belongingness?!   Why do we need to separate from the ones we once loved from the core of our hearts?!  And, bear the insuperable pain?!  You were the light of my life,  I considered you to be my 'Godfather', My fantasy killed me,  I fathomed wrong assumptions,  You were not the 'ideal type' I imagined,  So, all my imagination were wrong,  I looked answers at wrong questions,  With you my reality was shattered,  As I lived in my imaginary world ignoring the facts!  Ouch! So hurting it is!  At the edge of sharp...

  It takes a great man not to pluck the flower but still endure Its beauty!  It takes a pure soul to love it just by taking a glance of it but not possessing over it!  Let the petals stay alive in the flowers, not decay in your palms,  Let the flower stay in It's place utmost, not in your bouquet or garlands,  Let the butterfly play with the sunflower and the sun kiss the rose,  Let the waves of breeze gently soften your heart-  You need to open your warms wide open, Embrace it with gesture!  Gaze at the beauty without trying to harm it,  Not all beauty shall remain yours,  Stop owning the nature and let it flow,  Cause, to breathe free is the process it ensures! It takes a lonely admirer to explore the beauty of nature and dwell in it!  If not nature then what can heal your wound? If not the beauty you seek lies in nature then what shall you look for?!  If not the cries of heavens do not call you then you can't hear the r...

Yah, I miss your smile but you are toxic for me and not right,  You were a wrong alley for me to ride,   You were just a spy,  But, I thought you as my 'Ikigai',  You are filled with vengeance,  And, I was filled with love and laughter,  But, you burnt my smile. I hoped you were an air-balloon,  We could fly,  But, you were a raccoon,  Whom I thought as a boon,  You hid a spike in your attire to attack.  Love is not easy, it never was,  But, I did the impossible by loving you,  Staying is not easy though, but I stayed long-long  enough just to realize the truth!  You were a fancy lie that I took faith in,  You were a fantasy mixed with ecstasy whom I  wanted make classy with my sassy sharp comments, but you would never commence the growth!   You are frozen and still, always on the same lethal ramp, you are the same rampant sniper who shot me thrice in the weekends!  I thought you wou...

  My  love was at the purest form, While your love was a 'phony', In the epitome of desire and belongingness,  Memoir of residence with you was completely 'unholy'! Shall I count every ounce of love that I poured on you?! Immense it was and vast like ocean! Countless and immeasurable was the infatuation!  I was affected by you in a bond of affection,  But, you were lethargic like an infection!  Spread all over my life- I've spilled my love on the bay!  Wasted my love cause you never were meant to stay!  The prowess of anger overshadowed the essence of love that we had,  The innocuous emotions were lost in egyptian pyramids like ancient time!  Now, what we see is a skeleton of love,  Dried and damaged buried in the berg!  ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 24 Feb, 2023  Rokeya Hall, DU

I was standing on the brink of montage, but, you always end up bringing upon a sabotage! I overcame the holocaust,  But, you reminded me the ordeal  Over and over again.  You were meant to be my better-half,  But, all you did was break me into pieces  And, damage the repairs, You had always been a threat I had to tolerate!  I see an end of an ordeal but not the end of the reminisces!  ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 24 Feb, 2023

  Love was a priority then,  Happiness was destiny,  But, now love is not predestined,  Sometimes its a mistake.  But, mistakes that make you stronger, Dude, let's not regret!  Its better to move on alone rather than moving in the circles!  ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 24 Feb, 2023 Rokeya Hall, DU

 You were not my love,  You were merely just an addiction,  Talking with you over phone,  Fighting over petty issues,  Non-stop arguments again and again,  Scratching each others faces till the bruises tears the flesh, we didn’t ever stop,  We didn’t mingle. We never console each other but multiplied our pain and anguish! Oh, you were just a bad habit I had to bear!  For a long duration, this habit became an addiction, Like a heroin you are now cutting my throat in thirst of despair!  ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 24 Feb, 2023 Rokeya Hall, DU.

 It was nice to know you,  A pleasure to meet you,  Sweet to have a kiss with you,  But, horrendous to know the depths of you!  Terrifying to see your mask fall off and equally  disturbing to encounter your thoughts!  Such an inhumane brute you are!  You only knew terror, fright and wore a controlling demeanor, you didn’t know how to melt the hearts that once raced for you!  A fairy tale turned into a horror movie broadcast! ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy

Faulty stars in sky leading to a faulty love story- well, stars were not deformed, It was our own fault- lack of apprehension of the situations,  Shortage of endurance and lack of understanding makes us fall,  We fell from the heights that we claim to own.  Faulty stars are twinkling again- leading to a new destination,  This time the moral of the story is- A true emancipation!  ©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy Feb 24, 2034, Rokeya Hall, DU.

If you eat all alone, Roam and vibe alone.  And, you share nothing with anyone, No excitement, no happiness— How is your day spent, or what else do you do with none -  Then what do you name it? Detachment, or apathy? Solitude or loneliness? Is it strength labeled as empowerment? Silk draped in a cotton handkerchief?  Is it discipline simmered in silence? Or is it a famine no one photographs— A drought that happens in the middle of abundance? I sit with my own shadow as if it were a loyal guest in my shrine, Here, the fork and spoon dance with my mood The echo answers back with my devour. There is no witness to my hunger except the walls— and even they are tired of holding up my composure. Solid yet sometimes brittle, Layered into sediments of memoirs and longings for a future yet to be seen, Or a beloved yet to be held close.  They say independence tastes like iron— like blood bitten back from the lip. They say a woman alone at her table is evolution, is progress, Is...

  I want to escape from the prison of my mind  that keeps playing your name ... As a background song, Your shadows keep lingering in my thoughts. I thought I buried you in the cemetery of my heart, But, no, you always resurrect and  I am slowly losing the strength to fight with the spirit  of your memories—good and bad,  Will I ever escape from the prison that you've built in my mind? You are nowhere, yet you remain present when I close my eyes in the night, I can still feel your close grip around my waist,  Your arms surrounding me. Why does the world get shredded into pieces?  The home disowned that we've built brick by brick, I can feel the ghosts of your memories screaming, Will I ever find peace? Won't you set me free? Your thoughts keep haunting me every night.  This is not a dream,  And I cannot wake up from that dream. Please let me move on. Set me free.  ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy  Time Frame: 12.45 am, 20.2.26

I thought I buried everything alive inside the graveyard of my heart, But the ghosts of my emotions come back haunting me with their shadows  that I deemed too shallow—I overcame. Did I? The ghosts of my feelings are haunting me. I am running; I am a derby horse—running from everything from everywhere.... Speeding, running through and throughout everything  so that nothing can bind me ever like you did, I am running—ruining the shadows. I am running through and throughout. Still, it seems I can't make it anymore! Ghosts of my shadows linger with every breath I take. I am too scared to admit that your face haunts me as if nothing ever happened, Everything is alright; nothing changed. The shadows of the ghosts inside my mind keep replaying your pretty face in a loop. I am running—running far away from your shadows. The paths we have taken will be abolished. But how to stop the replay in my mind? The more I dig deep into the graveyard, I see the skeletons of our memories— Still f...

When do one outgrow any situation?  Well, when two people no longer understand each other's language. But, once they used to speak the same codewords, now the pattern changes with the situations,  When role is shifted- the dialect and the tone gets authoritarian,  Fascist of a kind,  Suffocated!   Till death do apart us becomes a myth when real death occurs - death of the soul that once used to love inhibitedly,  Unnecessarily extraorbitant. The rules are never formed to be broken, The orbits too do not change their pathways,  Nor does the satellites stops their fixed performance.  It was only you who shifted his fluid identity with translucent primal urges.  ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy  Time Frame: 11.1 am, 14.02.26

  I am not a monument. My identity is not fixed nor can it be traded, Not marble-veined certainty ingrained in castles, Not star-lit venomous ceiling but standing upright against inherited light, Not the single spine of a history that names itself universal but relational, Within me history dissolves and uprisings rise. I am undergrowth, I am the root, not the terrace, I am the underground root that refuses geometry, Threading sideways through damp soil, Borrowing breath from leaves I did not grow, feeding on what feeds on me. But, somehow outgrew those who fed on me. They told me the body is a border— Skin a nation, Desire as discipline, Gender as a corridor with two doors and a guard at each end who needs an attorney to speak for themselves, But my body is a crossroad, a trigonometry, a memoir. It spills past instruction. It learns new grammar in hindsight, It learns a new language in solitude, It speaks a new dialect in turbulent times when resilience becomes armor, It writes a ...

Even the colossal is emptied with the reign of heavy time, But, once it has lent bribe in her prime to silence the voice of lambs perished in the peril of pariah,  Of evil storms—unhinged in the chaos, unheard of in the outskirts,  Survives the drowning at the cost of bulky memories filled with blisters of hurt and outgrowing. Decay or slow rupture? Erasure of ego with the advent of rage, of savage time. Softening of the voice and trembling of the threatened throat  that once roared epic pilgrimage, You don't need to pick every cue from the colossal; It is deemed to be soiled into dust and ashes... Until then, you see the fray, The cost of being abruptly massive and subtly lessened. Colossal in rage and wrath, now wishes to be cuddled!  If not, then at least remembered, That once wanted to dismember every amber, Now, intend to stitch woolcraft from scratch and draw sketches -  Of a veneer moth flamed until it turned into livestock and a funneled vessel,  A ...

 We frame vulnerability as love,  And, then romanticize it with labels and colors, We become more vulnerable day by day in the process of love,  Remaining unaware that love is immunized in itself from the weakness of the beloved, Just like a lamb quieten in love,  Do you call it peace or abandonment of self in loving another?!  I'll call it 'Loss of a limb' while building the other! Reason for another vulnerability?!  Your beloved make you fragile and vulnerable, Yet, sometimes it is beautiful.  Beautiful until you feel trapped and helpless,  Until you lose yourself in loving another! ©® Farheen Akter Bhuian  Time Frame: 6.48 pm, Tagar, MIST