Love in the time of Anarchy
Love in the time of anarchy
Farheen Akter Bhuian
|
Preface
Dr.Habibul Haque Khondker
Professor, Humanities and Social Sciences,
Zayed University.
The poems of Farheen Akhter Bhuiya combine a deep sensibility of love with
her acute reflections on society and culture. The intersectionality is the
hallmark of her contributions. A budding sociologist smitten by the love of
poetry, the young poet has a flair for language. Her playful use of language
and her deep sense of turning everyday life experience into a poetic form is a
rare quality. In her poem “Viva-Board” she expresses her deep feelings with
utter clarity and exposes the hollowness of such a hallowed institution. Or in
“Commodity”, she narrates:
“Humans- a commodity now.
Skills and endeavors are all a function of
'objectification',…”
Deep sociological insights are made easy with the help of
poetic exuberance.
Her paradoxical lines betray her maturity – despite her
young years; as she exudes a whiff of existentialism:
“Writers don't sleep,
They don't love,
They are not free,
They only know to invent and then blend!
They just create-just
like thoughts,
They are always a being in process!”
(Writers)
In a “A tale of a blooming flower and butterfly”, she
reminds:
“Passion in love stays only for some
time like a blooming flower!”
Hello baby boy, are you my blooming flower in spring or
monsoon, then,
I am your butterfly,…”
Elsewhere she muses:
“Fallen leaves or a fallen angel
I want to fall upon you like feathers,
A fallen leaf flown- Touched by the gentle breeze,
Or a fallen angel in your arms from the heavens,…”
Think of me as a superfluous floating river-
Or, in “Arousal”, her deep passion is expressed thus:
“Touch my lips and then chew them,
I would like to be your bubble gum,…”
Despite her deep sensibilities, the sociologist in Farheen
Akter Bhuiya surfaces frequently enough as in the poem, “Love in the time of
late modernity/Love in the society of reflexive capitalism...!!”
“In any relationship-
Never be a proletariat; you will lose access,
Never be a revolutionary; you will lose all what you have,
Never be a capitalist; you are going to have everything,
but still, you'll be
an offender and a loser…”
The title of her book is surely
Marquezian*. Like Nobel-laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the author of this
book of poetry seeks to discover romance in the darkness of life, and passion
in the middle of misery. This little anthology of poems is a song of
discovery, hope, and joy.
Love in the Time of Cholera (1985).
Department of
Sociology
University of
Dhaka
Love in the time
of Anarchy, by Farheen Akter Bhuian, is an examination of love, loss, lust,
tragedy, and romanticism in the age of postmodernity. She examines devastation
and the perseverance of the remnants in her first collection of poetry, which
is rich with metaphor. In these poems, she tries to unearth what has been
buried, both personally and in the collective mind. Farheen’s poetry draws
inspiration from her surroundings and contemporary social issues, which she
reworks with sharp, original insights. Her pragmatist and sensual style spanned
several genres, including love poetry, spiritual poems, and realistic ones with
a sense of a ‘Positive thinking approach’. She celebrated such
"immoral" themes as nature, love, the body, and relationship in her
groundbreaking free verse style.
Her verses reflect
deeply on life, love, and ethics that stand the test of time. She gathered
inspiration from the scenes of nature. She was born in the middle east, so the
middle eastern view appeared and reappeared in her writings, mixed with the
beauty of the ebb of her motherland Bangladesh.
Poems such as Arousal, Flaunt
your love baby! Desire, Fallen leaves, or a fallen angel dance
with the taboo of human’s deep psyche of lust, desires, and forbidden love that
humans want to explore unrestrictively. Also, she romanticized the union of two
people and pronounced the victory of pure love in her creations. She celebrated
urban life's disturbing realities while tying them to sexuality, human yearnings,
longings, love bondage, and death.
It doesn't matter
if Farheen is mending capitalism with spirituality or inventing the dynamics of
love in reflexive modernity in a society of flux; her poems manage to move
readers with their lyrical lines and nuanced depictions of the human condition.
Her insightful observations of nature and her ability to effortlessly
highlight the vital connections between all life forms, Insightful commentary on the natural world she
has spent so much time in.
She writes so openly and flexibly. Yet, her
style is so elusive and mysterious that she speaks her heart to the readers so
that she can build a rapport with her readers and engage their minds in the
unravelling and musing of her creations. You can't help but be charmed by Farheen’s
openness and the candour of her personal reflections, which are laced with
exuberant declarations of life.
Although her tone
of voice can be harsh and vengeful at times, she also has softer, more
vulnerable sides. By exposing the reader to topics that most people would
rather avoid, Farheen enriches their lives. Her revengeful voice is heard
subtly in the poems such as Extinction or Nirvana, Partial truth, A swollen
shallop, Arcane, An empty trash can and so on.
Also, she has explored the trails of mysticism
and spirituality and the transition of the changing society in her observatory
sharp notion that has been reflected in her write-ups such as we can see the
poet experimenting in her poem Transition of love how love and romanticism are
viewed in today’s society, Some of her poems are mystical and spiritual such as
God is the God of order, Eyes, Inner God.
Some of her poems are sociological and
philosophical at the same time where she has analyzed society with her
analytical insights, in poems, for instance, Generation, The philosophy of
Power of the Subalterns!, Power hunger, Historical
Materialism, Commodity, Love in the time of late modernity/Love in the society
of reflexive capitalism...!!.
Some of her poems are deeply inflicted with
sad emotions as we can see the poetess has put words on her loss and pain and
give them a shape in an aesthetic way that propels us to wonder human spirit’s
determination and zeal for life despite facing all the odds, these connect us
to the very essence of our nature and deep-rooted emotions, She poured her
heart out in the poems where we can have the essence of pure sadness and feel
her numbness, poems as Loss, Candle, Survival, Eyes of a thousand life, Living
dead, Orphan, Unhealed, Pain,
Hopes.
The meticulous storytelling and evocative detail of Farheen
Akter Bhuian transport the reader to a world of profound reality and deep
insights.
Love and Aggression
Love and aggression run side by side,
The passion of ignition fumes the sight,
Love subdues the pitch of aggression
while aggression deems the light of love,
In the anarchical love, we find,
Love and aggression are two brothers and sisters
who bond together at the same time.
Angels and demons reside on the same planet,
How angelic and demonic you'll become depends
on the other person who treats you the same!
Angelic or demonic, accept me as I've accepted you with
all your good and bad,
with all your flaws, I've loved you,
Angelic or demonic, I've come all the way across!
Sweetheart
You are my armour,
I need your love and affection
More and more!
You are my sweetheart for whom my
Heart beats so fast and only with you
I am steadfast!
You keep me grounded,
You are the nucleus of my life and its orbit
Is our up and down journey and yah,
its round and beautiful!
I do not want to forget your face,
I Don't want to forget your words and acts,
Everytime you renew all your greatness and
I can not see myself stranded away with you,
You are a gift sent to me from heavens!
Protect me in your arms forever!
We will build our own world very different!!!
You
were an unhealed lion,
I
healed you in all possible ways,
Now
in the process of healing you-
I
am wounded, deeply hurt, and injured in love
Can
you heal me, pardon?!
If
not then I became like you while healing you-
Unhealed
and resentful.
I
healed you with my love and affection-
But,
you remain aloof from this connection-
So
illiterate in love you are!
I
don't see any resolution in you!
The
only change I see in you is becoming more
tolerant
and hopeful, brought you out from distress and disdain,
but
you made me fall into the pits of despair,
Heal
me now, I am begging for a magical herb that treated you.
Do
you know what is that?!
The
unconditional love that I gave you!
I
loved you unconditionally but who knew you didn’t,
Unconditional
was my love,and now it is conditioned,
How
can you expect me to love seemingly
without
any conditions when your own love for me
has
always been conditional?
A tale of a blooming flower and butterfly
Boy,
if you can be periodically alone sometimes and give me some space to do my own
things,
Then,
I am into you because love happens once in a while spuriously, and if It's
continuous,
then
it can be anything else but not love, dear, be sure of that!
Either,
It's a routine or habit or an innate need, perhaps friendship to subdue your
loneliness
but
not passion; passion in love stays only for some time like a blooming
flower!
Hello
baby boy, are you my blooming flower in spring or monsoon, then,
I
am your butterfly,
Just
remember!
Memory
You
can not forget anything-
That's
an innate problem,
You
can not forget any sweet memories
Nor
can you forget toxic ones-
You
can't forget any of them!
You
can't even forget the physical memory -
The
touches and smooches and kisses and cuddles- you can't forget!
You
can't forget what you listen and what you see,
It
resonates!
You
can't forget the wounds you get-
You
don't forget the pain in injury-
The
'Body' reminds of everything.
The
'Eyes' can't assimilate Its lids,
The
'Ears' is desperate to listen the voices
what
it has always longed to hear,
Memoirs
of pain always remains-
In
the core of heart- it always hurts you in silence.
You
are beautiful but risky,
You
are tall and handsome but like a whiskey,
One
shot and lost in the whirlpool of imagination,
Oh,
your voice is damn so husky!
One
glass of fine wine, you are,
Better
to drink you on occasions and
be
sober the other weekends,
You
are not my comfy half-silk,
You
are a classy attire wore once in a while,
In
a party and then forgotten for ages until
It's
a mood for celebration.
I
can't be vulnerable with you or with anyone,
Cause
the golden heart is lost in
The
magical world of golden times,
You
and I, and all of us, are now tuned to
a
disastrous age and chaotic period,
We
can not hide nor reveal our true selves,
We
live in the mirage of integrated parts and
We
have always been busy mending broken parts
lost
into that coherent facade of ourselves,
that
we choose to show others and
pretend
to be ourselves,
But,
basically, we aren't what we show,
Actually,
we are not us what we intend to carry on,
We
don't know who we are and where is our destination,
And,
where's humanity's true emancipation,
forget
about the connections-
They
are just delusions.
Stars should not fall in land as
human can crash them
and make furniture with them too!
Don't
give me a death wish,
I
wore death like a winning trophy,
Don't
whine and whimper about this,
I've
been married to my scaffold for years,
Now,
I wear my hanging rope-like
a
diamond neckpiece,
You
can not perish me!
I've
lived and re-lived,
I've
died and been alive,
For
years and years- in survival mode,
I
am a survivor, a warrior,
You
can not defeat me!
Love
me or hate me,
I
am your destiny!
Mute
yourself- Don't you ever feel exhaustive
for
not being my ally and always standing in opposition,
being my mutiny?
What
a loss of pride -
an
uncompromising battle we run!
Our
ego's height is like Everest that
None
can ever win!
You
can not touch my heights and
I
can not delimit myself with your heights!
What
a mismatch!
But,
there is always a but- in the unravelling-
You
and I are a full stop with many, many intervals and commas in between!
Some
things are unrepairable, unchangeable,
It's
just that it is as it has always been for!
We
just learn to negotiate, replace or shift focus
to
new adventures and inventions to cut down the monotony of endurance!
That's
it!
There
is no true love nor true companionship,
True
love is a myth,
True
love doesn’t exist,
Whatever
exists, It's just survival or
the
necessity to be existent in society.
Love
bleeds, love hurts, and love monopolizes,
Love
is not furnished; instead, it is always drained,
Drowning
in the cycle of love-
An
entire humanity lives a life unloved,
Like
a bay leaf- dried and unheard,
Adjustment
is romanticized what we call love!
Adjustments
in the name of love are hypocritical
that
we determine to live off some
and
anyhow, only for the sake of buying some security and showing off!
Don't
rush to put off your clothes, baby,
You
are acting like a hurricane,
Slow
down, darling,
We
tear our dresses when we meet.
We
tear each other like unfed lions,
We
tear up each other’s flesh like crocodiles.
We
rear sweet and sour memories together.
We
bear our hearts on our sleeves,
We
team up, and ace like spades and don't spare each other.
What
a passion, what an ignition!
You
kill me with your looks,
And,
your words- we burn our lungs in
futile
arguments until we part our ways apart.
Still,
we decide to stay- because of the golden
time
we have ripen together.
For
good old sake we stay despite of
burning
each other in live fireworks,
Alas!
Humans always tend to live in past,
You
were my past and so my present,
You
are still my present and so you are my notorious future!
Your
and mine complicated story is making history!
Glorious
or Mortifying,
We
mortal beings are buying some time for us
to
comprehend our unresolved deeds!
Farewell
I
bid you a farewell
with
a lofy remix I sang with you
Tear
drops in my eye corner-
My
velvet heart is drowning-
I'll
miss your fragrance-
Your
physicality -
Your
omnipotent presence -
Your
melodious voice.
I
bid you farewell -
And,
I bid your soul attached with me-
That
I can not be a part of your ideology anymore.
I
can not hear from you or see you-
My
heart is aching with pain.
Culture
disapproves of our fascination,
But
we do whatever we want-
Desire
is somewhat a supreme infatuation!
Culture
is a lethargy-
We
are instinctual habitually, and we do not
abide
by any rules or structures -
If
given a chance or in isolation.
Culture
gives us a set of norms and regulations-
We
follow them as a 'rule book' only in the front stage for managing impressions,
But,
deep down inside- we look for escapism,
Class
structure exploits us-Our freedom,
But,
it is us who confirm to class,
Because
historically we've believed in
aggregation
and affirmation,
Now,
we can not live alone, stateless, penniless,
identity-less
and group-less,
Because
we've determined our minds to build an image
and
we live in a world full of imagination.
Our
secured world crumbles when we arrive in the field of realism.
Society
and Social institutions are a harsh reality
And
we can not oppose it as we always want to dwell
as
a social entity in a socio-elite society and promote consumerism.
Consumerism
is a higher trend of cosmopolitanism and globalisation,
It's
another facade of today's capitalism,
We
think and act like a passive receivers,
We
have lost the zest and passion for revolution,
It's
a dull phase of internalization,
We've
culturally approved such kinds of
indulgence
and interactions (Internalization)
Culture
will not approve of our inner desires,
Culture
will not support our dreams and passions,
But,
we do style our dispositions according to culture,
Culture
shapes our identity, bonding and survival,
In
a 'Cultural cage,' we are not free, neither can we get full emancipation,
We've
to trade off our belongings to the 'Trade-masters',
And,
then, only can we enjoy a 'supposed' ounce of liberation.
I
love to hear my name on your lips-
I
love to see your ash look-
when
your eyes meets mine,
I
love to hear your voice- over and over again-
When
you pause while talking-
When
you swallow some words-
That's
a triumphant moment.
I
do not want to heal-
From
this love sickness.
Baby,
I am love sick-
Come
cure me-
Pour
some magic on me-
From
your savouring dish-
On
a lavish suite we dreamt of living in!
I
can hear your heartbeat,
I
can sense your feelings,
But,
your heart doesn’t belong to me!
And,
I can not thrive for it!
Your
heartbeats are slowly withering away,
Your
face is becoming like a facade,
You
are moving further and far away,
You
are always a distant being-
I've
seen you from a corner-
I've
adored you from a distance -
And,
I've longed for you only in my imaginations.
You
are just an empty trash can,
loaded
with gas with no beverages,
You
are just an opportunist
who
tends to seek leverages- one after another,
A
feudal rat!
An
immature brat!
Loaded
with loath and envy-
Your
eyes are covered with rage of hidden
agendas and
contemplations.
No
more compulsions -
Can
serve you,
Cause,
you have played multiple cards
of
manipulations and no cards were left unturned!
You
are always saved because of your funny statements-
Alas,
what is life but a combination of satires, tragedy and comedy!
You
are an epitome of betrayal-
A
double-faced snake,
Sometimes-
A double edged sword,
You
and I, both bleed in the bloodbath of acquisition.
Our
love was at it's initial stage medieval,
We
begin to enjoy our own carnival,
Then,
the period comes of interval,
Where,
you and I split in the spirit of diabolism,
We
spited ugly words on each other-
Our
relationship then became dialectical.
In
the thesis and antithesis of our
dichotomous
love,
We
synthesized on the conundrum.
Now,
we are in the period of liquid love,
You
and I, we both shall become flexible.
Crossing
the long trails of mediocrity and modernity,
We
become more and more conscious,
With
the flex,
We
become united but separated in
minds
and wants,
In
the process of building conscience,
We
lose more dignity and signify loose connections.
Thus,
in the amalgamation,
We
tend to lose interest still stay together in the wake of wanting
the
rootlessness and declare freedom.
May
be in some other era,
On
some other planet we get to do
whatever
we desire,
Desire
is an enemy as we have to
confront
it daily and defeat it by living in seclusion.
But,
not a being can live a life of asceticism,
He
or she is bound to be affected by the
solidarity
of groups and people.
And,
in the reciprocal relationships and interactions,
One
is bound to interact and bestow over satisfying connections.
Sometimes
you are so bright in a beautiful morning and you bring the joys of
sunshine,
Sometimes
you are so dull and dampen in an awkward mood and then you make the day look
flop-
A
parody song sung in the wicked summer camp, so gloomy with such boredom, Alas!
But,
sometimes you smile and then it feels like-
Thousands
of flower blooming in the blooms field in the middle of the town,
Sometimes
you shout like a siren heading towards to stop the uncivilized crowd,
You
become a mob amidst the mob on mondays,
You
become a snob amidst the known strangers on wednesdays,
You
also become cranky with your loved ones on the weekends-
especially
on the thursdays,
You
are then lost in the gossiping circle on the fridays!
You
are both a chamomile tea and a chameleon,
At
the same time, you can do both-
sooth
and bring irritations!
I
name you an 'Arcane',
You
are an 'Arsenal of arcades',
An
'Archaic of updates' and the 'beats of mad age'!
Oh,
you were my precious time slot in some unreported spots,
Where
my footprints were left-
soaked
in cold beverages-all alone!
Queen
He
doesn’t say me I am his queen,
He
doesn’t shower me with flowers so exotic,
He
doesn’t say loud that I am his biggest achievement
but
surely what he does is-
Treats
me like a queen,
Reminds
me everyday of that,
He
keeps making efforts and ensures that-
I
am his biggest achievement subtle in his
actions
and delights.
I've
overcome greed, jealousy,
prejudice,
desires and longings-
All
for you!
But,
Alas!
You've
discarded nothing
but
these things have taken shelter in you.
So,
easily!
You've
been a slave to desires-
Our
wrecking home!
My
home was you- and I see you in jeopardy-
Lost
and broken in jealousy-
You’ve
become a swollen shallop!
Void
of you makes me a wanderer,
An
illusionist- always in illusion,
I
built hopes one after another-
A
castle in the storm!
But,
everything stops- in the mesmerizing echo
of
a wanderer's desperate moan-
Oh,
dear, everything is gone!
Nothing
lasts forever and if anything does,
It's
in a state of partial truth!
Monologue
on trust
'You
may think of me that I am not fun,
but trust me dear, I am a funny alibi only
with my entrusted allies.
Coincidence
If
we met coincidentally twice,
That,
means we are meant to be destined to walk some path together
in
a direction for some reasons for a while!
Hey,
you, my passionate lover,
I
am a selfish being- Don't adore me,
I
don't deserve it!
As,
I love only for the sake of writing poems!
I
like you because you stimulate my thoughts and I
could
give those words, nothing else!
So
if you are a constant inspiration for my creations-
only
then, I love you!
See,
how prudently brutal I am!
Never
love a poetess, as she only knows to dig deep
and
put you in extinction,
lost
into the world of her creations!
Fictional
Like
Rumi,
I
would like to say,
I've
made so many love stories,
Now,
I feel fictional.
Sometimes
I struggle to deter myself from the reality and the fictions,
And,
to remove myself from the fictional characters-
That,
I've internalized within myself!
A
strain of hair
Leaving
a strain of my hair,
For
you in the book left alone in the lonesome rag,
A
strain of hair for you to discover in the bookshelf
along
with the mismatched pairs.
I
want you to find it and keep it,
As,
Rumi once said,
From
books and words come fantasy,
And,
sometimes, from fantasy comes the union.
I
so want to hear your voice
But,I
can't call or text you,
I
so want to see your sight,
But,
I can't sit beside you
and,
have a conversation,
Because,
you and I belong to different
times
and we are in different stages,
There
are thousand and thousands of curtains
hung
between us,
Miles
of paths to cross,
But,
most of it there are uncertainties,
I
do not know what you think,
I
can not contemplate what you are, and so
my
time flies in the supposed anticipations!
I
am afraid to talk to you,
As
I don't want to ruin these beautiful feelings,
I
fear all those initial things will get destroyed
Whatever
is brewing-
In
the 'tell a tale' algorithm,
I've
no stories in store to impress you,
Cause,
somewhere, I know that when you'll
Hear
my part of the story- you will blow!
And
you will move away and be cold and distant,
You
might be in shock or surprise,
Intimidating
is my aura, and this is the last thing I want to see in you.
I
always wanted an initiation but ended up in the piercing effects of intimidation,
I've
no 'go to the round corner table talk' or 'catchy gestures in the hindsight'
appraisal,
I
am not shrewd, but I am not also a dumb,
But,
just in the fear of losing this initiation,
This
wonderful feeling-I want to keep it forever
and
forget to make the first attempt,
Or,
could never initiate the great romantic initiation that I once longed for!
You
are not my cup of tea-
I
am not your go-to comfy drink-
Still,
we desire to take a sip-
Sip
by sip- We want to appease our thirst-
That's
how we are built in.
A
lustful glimpse speaks a lot-
They
spark to get you along!
Smirk
with a blush -
What
an epic adrenaline rush!
We
are in a disaster,
A
pandemic has to appear-
For
us to disappear -
To
hide in each other's arm
We
conceal our identities and become one-
As
we confide in each other-
The
destination shall unite-
But,
great accomplishments out of this union
is
what the mysterious poetess desire!
Individualism
Be
the reason for my abundance, not redundance,
Be
my assurance, be my compliance,
But
not an ominous menace!
Be
my passionate lover and admirer,
But,
not a clingy gold-digger,
Yes,
if you appear to be a free rider-
You
have no values and of course,
you are ridiculous!
But,
be whatever you want to,
Don't
be a people pleaser-
In
the journey of making love-
We
shall prioritize individualism,
What
I ought to learn from you and what
you've
learned from me in the long run-
Shall
be remembered!
In
the play of seduction,
We
talk in clues-
But,
be implicit -
Be
assured.
In
the play of seduction-
You
are a master of words-
I
get swayed by your thoughts!
Fallen leaves or a fallen angel
I
want to fall upon you like feathers,
A
fallen leave flown- Touched by the gentle breeze,
Or
a fallen angel in your arms from the heavens,
Think
of me as a superfluous floating river-
Seen,
but the traces and trails are always hidden-
Heard,
but the echos never returned-
Felt
but never touched once-
Think
of me as fallen leaves-
It
was supposed to fall on your palms-
But,
it drifted away further-
In
the flight of tenacity and eccentric behavior!
I
bid you a farewell
with
a lofy remix I sang with you
Tear
drops in my eye corner-
My
velvet heart is drowning-
I'll
miss your fragrance-
Your
physicality -
Your
omnipotent presence -
Your
melodious voice.
I
bid you farewell -
And,
I bid your soul attached with me-
That
I can not be a part of your ideology anymore.
I
can not hear from you or see you-
My
heart is aching with pain.
I
want both of your hands to wrap around me,
Your
fingers twisted with my fingers,
Your
gentle smooches around my neck,
Your
whispering voice in my ears-
And,
your shaky breath intermingle,
Let
this hour linger-
So
that bits of our mind get swindle
And,
my swollen ankle get tangled-
My
eyes playing the tricks of twinkle-
Only
the thoughts of you can get me an arousal-
The
fantastic fantasies of holding you and
getting
held by you drives me into the world of
drowsy
arousal-
Wondering
how would be your real arrival!
May
be then I'll be in a mood of carnival,
You
can make me a cannibal,
Here,
begins now a new upheaval,
I
am in front of you, don't look into tinder-
Hey,
try get to know me better-
And,
don't ever intend to be a free rider-
I
am not a broker or a social climber,
The
path, The interaction- let's not hinder,
Broaden
up your mode of thinking,
Be
a deep thinker, be broader,
Be
a bit kinder-
Don't
make any trouble-
But,
I am longing for you-
I
want to devour you in and out,
But,
would love to get consumed all by you,
Think
me as a serving dish in front of you!
Hey,
Look into my eyes and hear in my voice,
Touch
my lips and then chew them,
I
would like to be your bubble gum,
Stay
with me, hold me and touch me
with
your unparalleled ideas until my mind gets blank-
A
total zero!
And,
then I want to make you both 'Hero' and the 'Antihero'!
You
are such a coward- that you don't make a move or proceed further,
You
are always in a fear-
Fear
of clashing of the egos,
Or,
may be clashing of the chaos,
Self-perception
is a myth, a maxim and safer to say,
Its
self-proclamation based on interactions and provided values,
Don't
be a headache anyways,
I
don't want to think about all this stuff and conventional contours,
You
be mine, I become yours in a moonlit night when everything is quiet and
bright!
We
then adore!
But,
the union- the world abhors!
Without
you the interplay is not fun-
I
need you!
Don't
beat around the bush and
Let
me follow your conundrum,
I
am a great admirer and a follower,
Don't
think me so hollower that I'll be a mere hooker
and
try to tie you with my enigma forever!
Instead
I'll be a midsummer vacation that
you
would never forget -
Let
alone remind to beget another assumption.
Prepare
yourself for a great long hours of consumption!
The philosophy of getting 'Autonomy'
There
is no love in 'Authority',
There
is no freedom in 'Autonomy',
But
there is no peace in being a 'Nobody',
You'll
have to choose, dear,
Either
be an 'Authority' and seek your
'Autonomy'
or be a 'Nobody'
but
still fight for your 'Autonomy'.
Synastry
The
synastry brings such an epitome of chemistry,
The
whirlwind of love and lust and tragedies!
There
is a spark in our synergy,
There
is a notion of unshattered trust in our bonding,
that
sometimes we don't notice!
Faith
is a nest to build and a glue to cling,
Trust
is a cosmic energy that binds the universe
at
various ranges!
So,
dear, be self-assured and believe in yourself!
An
interrogation
What's
your favourite hobby?!
-To
lick your lips.
What's
your favourite leisure?!
-To
cuddle you.
What's
your favourite view?!
-To
see you sleep in my arms.
What's
your most favourite thing in the world?!
-It's
you. You are my world; I belong to you.
You hurt me, you change me,
You change me then you get
none of my chilling parts,
Cause, once I change, I've evolved,
Just like water evaporates or gets frozen,
So, mind it before you hurt me again.
Anticipation
I so want to hear your voice
But,I can't call or text you,
I so want to see your sight,
But, I can't sit beside you
and, have a conversation,
Because, you and I belong to different
times and we are in different stages,
There are thousand and thousands of curtains
hung between us,
Miles of paths to cross,
But, most of it there are uncertainties,
I do not know what you think,
I can not contemplate what you are,
My time flies in the supposed anticipations!
Sight
You taste like an ethnic spice-So intense,
Sometimes you taste salty like clear seawater
and, at times, you taste like bubble gum,
So soft and flavourful!
I enjoy the way you stare,
The way you stand straight,leaning back,
I enjoy the view of you- even when you are coughing,
It's so interesting to see you speak!
And, deliver a speech,
You are like a melodious song to hear,
I want to listen your coerce voice for eternity -
You are an epitome of beauty-
You are handsome and overtly cute,
Can I make you a part of my fleeting destiny?!
If yes, then I think I am in love- In love of your sight!
Stubborn
I was stubborn to love you,
Smitten by you,
I was adamant to see the end,
I made sure it to be with you.
Smitten by you.
I never let my hope down upon you.
Priority
If I give you attention that means you are in my priority list,
Priority matters more than necessity,
It means giving importance despite of not you being necessary!
Next age
Enjoy the moment baby,
The while you are with me holding each other tight in arms,
Who knows what happens next,
Who knows what's in the lot in the next age!
Unconventional
Only unconventional kinds of people can recognize their types.
Loyalty
Loyalty is an overated buzzword, you show loyalty when you don't
have any options.
I know many people don't understand me,
they misread me, misrepresent me and misguide me,
So, I don't make an effort for those folks to understand me
anyways,
Says beautiful Adeline.
In the process of depersonalization,
We often tend to breach the connections,
In the process of being austere,
We forget to become tender!
In the process of being self,
We do not intend to stand for others,
In the process of individualization,
We lose interrelations!
In being the 'One' we hinder the process of
being 'Us',
Thus, what a losing generation we are,
And, we will reproduce likewise
from generation to generation in intervals.
You bedazzle my eyes with your charm and the way you talk,
You bedazzle my mind with your twisted words,
Please don't toy with my simple mind!
I think I am also twisted, and so are you!
That's why we are twinning!
I think you are sharper; that’s why you can cut
me wide open with your words,
Your words are a sword, be careful!
But, I think I am sharper than you-
That's why I understand how you use your tongue-
So, instead of feeling offended, I keep observing you!
Remember, whatever you say or do,
I don't personalize, but I internalize them
and build a safer self-
more grounded that you can't break or shake
even if you intend to do so!
A beautiful soul
Hey, you don't have the prettiest face,
You are not the richest dude waiting up there,
You are not even fluent,
But do you know what you have?!
A beautiful soul to present!
You open up your heart wide open to accept
people and do good to them!
You are a beautiful soul that I'm privileged to have!
Please, preserve your soul and the beauty within it,
I'm hooked on your soul,
But, I promise I won't suck your
beautiful soul and abuse it,
What makes a man considerate,
do you know baby boy?!
You are good because you don't understand the evils of the
world,
That, makes you special and wise.
Be the wise, Be the beautiful soul-
you've been always!
My darling baby boy!
I want to make infinity some love with you-
Hey, are you ready?!
I want to drink all the sadness in your eyes and make you happy,
I want to wipe all your tears and sweats,
Hug you tight- so that you could remember only a
Name that I want to tame,
Remember, you are not alone!
You won't be!
With loving voice you ask me- will you ever leave me?!
I said a big no with confidence!
You said I am a commoner with nothing unique-
I said, you are genuine and that's the biggest attribute
you've achieved!
Doubtfully with teary eyes he asked again,
Never leave me!
Don't ever fly in other sky my white pigeon-
I said, there's no necessity to fly-
The pigeon is happy here,
Pray that she remains happy there forever.
You know there is a philosophy behind leaving-
You leave when you are unhappy and feel incomplete.
You complete me and I don't mind the incompleteness we have!
He sighed and shakily smiled.
My pale pigeon sighed with relief and slept well in a shiny
moonlit night!
We can not deter!
We hide our strings and offer friendships,
We hide our strings and then strike,
One person at one time- is sometimes two faced,
We can not deter which side of them is real!
We hide our desires and form infatuations,
We hide our fantasies in a shell and make connections,
One person at one time- is sometimes a multitude of
personalities,
We can not differ which person is speaking and whom we are going
to deal!
We can not deter, who is right!
Connection
To make connection eternal-
We form partnerships,
One great love has always expanded its existence
in the constant process of destruction and rejuvenation!
One great eternal connection- that stood amongst the odds
by creating collaborative actions.
Foundation of any relationship is default trust and
collective collaboration,
It's indeed a lifetime celebration,
But, mind floats because of separation!
In the monsoon and in the rainy monologues -
The eternal sky sketches its limitations!
Interaction
In slowing down the process, We lose interest,
In slowing down the interaction,
We help grow our evaluation,
But, It’s the mind- that's always racing,
And, the heart- that doesn’t stop hoping,
In the battle of mind and heart-
Slows down our interaction.
There was a sun so harsh
And, a moon beneath so kind!
Both clashed in the hindsight -
They dismissed their grief-
Holding hand in hands-
They whispered-
Hey, I am your light and you are my shadow,
We complement each other, right?!
You and I are opposites,
You are rational, I am emotional,
We are complementary,
Let's celebrate a companionship for a century,
Let's die together and walk shoulder-in-shoulder to our cemetery!
Prolonged eye-contact is all what I demand-
so that I could see your soul deep and you could see mine!
Prolonged jovial smile is what I want to stare,
So, that your mystery is a bit loosening up for free!
Prolonged spark in your eyes is what I want to see,
So, that you can smear your all interest within me!
Rest
You know your eyes needs rest-
But, your head is in cloud nine and
you can't deny it and instead you invest!
You know your hands need rest-
But, you have built a tiny nest
to remain safe!
You know your neck is in pain-
But, you sniffle out in disdain and
Leave it behind!
You know your nose is bleeding and
Your throat is sore,
Yet, you don't know how to be calm and
take rest!
Writer
Price of writing for an instantaneous inherent writer-
Irritation in eyes and headaches,
Silence in your atmosphere and being in a house-arrest,
Embracing a solicited loneliness and facilitated
self-awareness preferred in solitude,
yet leaving behind all the distractions,
still remaining aloof and distracted-
Detached from everyone and everything else-
Writers resides only in their heads!
If only you could see how faltered your alter ego is,
You would allow others to purify you.
If only you could know how much It’s affecting you-
You could be corrected and mend into the process,
You could dive into the sea and delve into the mines.
If only you could fight with your inner demons,
And, listen the whispers of your souls-
You would stop fighting an inherent battle
And, calm yourself down!
Love yourself completely!
Acceptance is the road-map to happiness,
Embrace yourself- let it go!
And, love your loved ones-
those who loves you for what you are-
Nothing but the shattered faltered ego!
All my choices and preferences can
be wrong but not you,
The only right thing ever I chose
was you-
my baby boy, my sweetheart!
You make life cheerful and
blissful!!
I loved you from the bottom of my
heart-
You were my answered prayers from
the divine god!"
My first love and home you are!
Fairy tales are true with some variations!"
Intimacy is not always physical, It's most of the time mental,
Where you don't exist physically, there you can exist mentally!
It's your duty to convince me
and, mine to get convinced baby boy!
You are a great convincer,
Your words are matching with your actions-
You know that I am a pragmatist-
I don't believe in mere words.
But, you are an achiever and don't know to loose,
You can move a mountain with your soft-
raged passion,you know how to overlook!
Overlook flaws and sufferings,
Overlook gaps and loopholes!
You know how to receive my love-
With progressive days you knew-
How to be my need,
Now, you are both my necessity and eccentricity,
The way you are eccentric to me makes me
fall in love with you from head over hill!
You are so beautiful-
your soul and vision are beautiful,
I hope they are not a facade and
you are not faking it!
Be my mainstream, not optional,
Be my necessity, not recreation,
Be my adventure, not boredom,
Be my superior love, not a laggard!
Be whatever I wish, but you surprise me-
Because you are the opponent that makes
me fall in love-
In all odds and in all
oppositions I make love!
If loving unconditionally is my quality
then, what is your credit baby boy?!
You are just a kiddo following
the footsteps of it’s own
crippling shadow- Wake up!
To burn the individual,
I first burnt my expectations,
My personality, my ego and my desires,
Then, I overcame the 'false consciousness'
within my individualization and I came to know-
That my identity was wrong,
My destination was wrong,
My preference and choices were wrong,
Because I couldn’t reach the ' the burning of individualization’
that I longed,
Now, after cremating myself with my ashes,
Ashes of love and desires,
Desires of hopes and ignitions,
A massive 'annihilation' occurred.
That's what I call leaving the individual behind
and becoming eternal.
An eternal existence-
That's how 'living dead' walks around.
Conceives and accepts everything,
But, doesn’t become a 'part' of anything at all.
Eligible
Some people don't fall in love with people’s looks, bank balance
or gadgets,
Some people don't fall for their possessions or social status,
There are some people who look deep into people's soul and
fall in love with their mind-sets!
Some people might ignore their loved ones attitudes on some
heated occasion-
But, they do not forget how well or bad they behave!
It's not how materialistic you are,
It's your nature- that makes you eligible.
Variation
There is no ideal human being,
No ideal normalcy,
No ideal concept to define and chain people.
Variation is the beauty of human beings though.
Demons
I just want you when I need you the most,
when all the troubles are gone,
Hold me tight- for there shall be no space,
No space for breeze to flow,
Bind us all alone in a winter noon,
Waves rambling our name,
You know what I want-
Out to be there cleared from all toxins,
Let us wash in smothering surges,
You know it will kill the demons residing inside!
Brightest Love
I don't want my happiness at the cost of your sufferings-
that's a legendary love that exceeds-
Lives after lives,
Ages after ages,
In the monsoon and dim lights-
Yet, the brightest!
My eyes are tired-
They are thousand years old-
Shedding tears and looking into
trails of lives.
Eyes of thousand years have lived a thousand lives.
To comfort you all,
Once I hid myself-
My identity,
I didn’t want to make you feel inferior nor did
I expressed myself as superior,
But, you took my compassion as my weakness and
my charity as dumbness,
You took me as granted,
Now, I don't compromise,
And, nor do I think twice about your feelings,
I know my height, if it pinches you then It's your problem,
You are jealous not me and that's a great mental issue!
I can be with you but ignore you forever-
that's how I can stay light without being held,
I can be in a bond still free-
That's how emancipated I am
from the system you decree.
Ignorance
Half of the solution of a problem comes from ignoring it
completely, just ignore whatever is bothering you and everything will fall
accordingly to It's place itself.
Spending a lifetime with you,
Still I would say you were my disability,
I was handicapped and couldn’t move,
Even spending an entire afterlife,
I would say I never loved you,
Neither did you!
You were a necessity to me and I to you.
Meticulous calculation of patterned life-
Better to endure!
While you were growing and developing,
I was surviving,
There's a difference bro-
You can't understand my pain,
Not until you are on the same page!
I've turned the page and left the platform,
But, it is your time to stop now and reboot!
I am not going to stop untill my last breath-
Pal, I've found my purpose!
Flaunt your love darling,
We've been so cool,
Our screams are heard from mount everest,
and scratches on our bodies has drawn a new map,
Get lost in the hidden alleys,
They are calling your name-baby,
Just loose control,
Loose your sanity and
be mine in some insane moment,
Your hands over mine,
Mine over you,
We've slide from clays,
Playing with sands,
Rythm of your short breaths are so melodious,
Your broaden ever widening chest and It's scent is so delicious,
Heat of your body is cozy and warm,
Oh, ferociously you devour!
I am in love with your soft bewilderment!
Flaunt your love baby,
You know how to play and raise the bar!
In the background there'll be soft songs and in ears
I'll listen bits of smooches,
sounds of your grunts and watch the spark in your eyes,
Flaunt your love for me baby-
Divas love to see Apollos kneeling down!
'I know I please your eyes,
So please look deeply without a blink,
Look closely from head to toe,
I know you are thirsty.
I can feel the lust in your eyes,
Slow motion of your shaky hands,
The burn inside your cloths,
So don't be stingy,
Don't pretend you are shy,
A chance is always given once and today
I declare to be free in your arms.'
Formula- "Never attach but detach".
'The ultimate cause of human's suffering is desire for people,
people dies, people leaves, people cheats, people ditches, even you die, you
leave, you cheat, you too deceit!'
Do not aspire for people, do not bond personally, do not long
for people and then you are free. Free of sufferings. Just go with the flow
with no deep-rooted expectations, you know now nothing lasts forever, even one
day you will have to decay!
In you,
The world is built anew,
But, nobody knew,
And, my heads blew!
In you,
The world is built anew,
But, again, shared with a few!
Writers
Writers don't sleep,
They don't love,
They are not free,
They only know to invent and then blend!
They just creates-just like thoughts,
They are always a being in process!
Candle
Sands fleeting away from my feet-
I could not stand still and reached in a no mans land, knew no
whereabouts,
Knew nothing where to go on what destination,
I had no estimation-
What to do,
Where to go,
Hence, many many a doctrines flooded my mind,
Toyed with my disproportional emotion,
Never knew the right way!
That's the real struggle of a human being-
Not knowing the authentic destination of
moving forward,
Not knowing the purpose-
Hence, we haphazardly get stuck into something that we were not meant
to bind,
A candle is strung with its sconce,
There is no way to free untill and unless it melts!
Mountain
I lost you like the bird loses its feathers,
I lost you like a skylark screams amidst the
horrible lonely nights,
I lost you, I lost you,
After losing you I lost myself!
No I can't chase my defeated destiny,
I could not be a self-declared mutiny,
I could not get any safety,
I thought I was safe but I am not,
I thought I was sufficient for me but I am not,
My longing for love and struggle to reduce the pain
can't suffice an entire ocean,
I feel I am drowned,
Soaked into my tears,
I lost you once and after loosing you
I could never stand strong!
Decades passed I am still trying!
I am still trying to reach the mountain where
once I used to live!
Spiritual ego
So, we have also spiritual ego,
But, again, for how long?!
You are human and you are deemed
to degrade at some points of life,
In this sacred or perhaps profane games
of divinity and dignity,
You are both a winner and a looser,
In this upgradation and degradation,
Stirs upheavals,
Poor soul-You are redeemed to suffer!
A tale of blooming flower and butterfly.
Boy,if you can be periodically alone sometimes and give me some
space to do my own things,
Then, I am into you cause love happens once in a while
spuriously and if It's continuous then it can be anything else but not
love,dear, be sure of that!
Either, It's a routine or habit or an innate need, perhaps
friendship to subdue your loneliness but not passion, passion in love stays
only for some times like a blooming flower!
Hello baby boy, are you my blooming flower in spring or monsoon,
then, I am your butterfly,
Just remember!
Priority
If I give you attention that means you are in my priority list,
Priority matters more than necessity,
It means giving importance despite of not you being necessary!
Next age
Enjoy the moment baby,
The while you are with me holding each other tight in arms,
Who knows what happens next,
Who knows what's in the lot in the next age!
A beautiful soul
Hey, you don't have the prettiest face,
You are not the richest dude waiting up there,
You are not even fluent,
But, do you know what you have?!
A beautiful soul to present!
You open up your heart wide open to accept
people and do good to them!
You are a beautiful soul that I'm privileged to have!
Please, preserve your soul and the beauty within it,
I'm hooked with your soul,
But, I promise I won't suck your beautiful soul
and abuse it,
What makes a man considerate do you know baby boy?!
You are good because you don't understand the evils of the
world,
But, another dark person knows all the shit but still believes
in doing good and continues doing good to each and every soul,
That, makes him special and wise.
Be the wise, Be the beautiful soul- you've been always!
My darling baby boy!
We can not deter!
We hide our strings and offer friendships,
We hide our strings and then strike,
One person at one time- is sometimes two faced,
We can not deter which side of them is real!
We hide our desires and form infatuations,
We hide our fantasies in a shell and make connections,
One person at one time- is sometimes multitude of personalities,
We can not differ which person is speaking and whom we are going
to deal!
We can not deter, who is right!
To make connection eternal-
We form partnerships,
One great love has always expanded its existence
in the constant process of destruction and rejuvenation!
One great eternal connection- that stood amongst the odds by
creating collaborative actions.
Foundation of any relationship is default trust and
collective collaboration,
It's indeed a lifetime celebration,
But, mind floats because of separation!
In the monsoon and in the rainy monologues -
The eternal sky sketches its limitations!
Interaction
In slowing down the process,
We loose interest,
In slowing down the interaction,
We help grow our evaluation,
But, Its the mind- that's always racing,
And, the heart- that doesn’t stop hoping,
In the battle of mind and heart-
Slows down our interaction".
Rest
You know your eyes needs rest-
But, your head is in cloud nine and
you can't deny it and instead you invest!
You know your hands need rest-
But, you have built a tiny nest
to remain safe!
You know your neck is in pain-
But, you sniffle out in disdain and
Leave it behind!
You know your nose is bleeding and
Your throat is sore,
Yet, you don't know how to be calm and
take rest!
Alter ego
If only you could see how faltered your alter ego is,
You would allow others to purify you.
If only you could know how much Its affecting you-
You could be corrected and mend into the process,
Dive into the sea and delve into the mines.
If only you could fight with your inner demons,
And, listen the whispers of your souls-
You would stop fighting an inherent battle
And, calm yourself down!
Love yourself completely!
Acceptance is the road-map to happiness,
Embrace yourself- let it go!
And, love your loved ones-
those who loves you for what you are -the shattered faltered
ego!
Oh, Baby boy- you are like a child to me,
so childish and silly,
You know how to make me smile-
You seem to know nothing,
You pretend like a kiddo in front of me
begging for starters-
In your presence I feel like a 'Demi God',
You sooth my compassion for you-
So tender and soft you are,
But, again I know you are a bewildered wolf,
You hide your aggression and become a 'passive aggressor' just
to seek my love,
I know- you hide your toughness inside your soft outlook to get
my
soft-side, you are a rare wolf!
Hard like rock when in aggression,
Soft like silk when in infatuation,
I know you possess a shade of colors and
Present some of those only to comfort me-
To get my love- you are a wild wolf!
A man has fifty phases and hundred faces,
Depending on the woman he chose,
Shows the true colors if only he admires,
Represents only a partial portions of his deep
prospects if only a wild wolf decides to become a baby boy of
his girl,
Hey, you!
Wanna be my baby boy?!
You are possessed and I know you
Love me the most!
I don't want my happiness at the cost of your sufferings-
that's a legendary love that exceeds-
Lives after lives,
Ages after ages,
In the monsoon and dim lights-
Yet, the brightest!
Sands fleeting away from my feet-
I could not stand still and reached in a no mans land, knew no
whereabouts,
Knew nothing where to go on what destination,
I had no estimation-
What to do,
Where to go,
Hence, many many a doctrines flooded my mind,
Toyed with my disproportional emotion,
Never knew the right way!
That's the real struggle of a human being-
Not knowing the authentic destination of
moving forward,
Not knowing the purpose-
Hence, we haphazardly get stuck into something that we were not
meant to bind,
A candle is strung with its sconce,
There is no way to free untill and unless it melts!
So, we have also spiritual ego,
But, again, for how long?!
You are human and you are deemed
to degrade at some points of life,
In this sacred or perhaps profane games
of divinity and dignity,
You are both a winner and a looser,
In this upgradation and degradation,
Stirs upheavals,
Poor soul-You are redeemed to suffer!
A loss is a loss forever,
You can not achieve again what you have lost- Precious!
Weep more, Weep more,
You will not get what you have lost!!
Wept away with all sorrows-there stays a sand dune or stack,
stand there with hope, stay tuned,
Still you won't get to hear the voice!
Loss!!
Stand therefore, you can not see those eyes,
Stand there with hopes,
Still you don't see sunrise,
Loss!!
Weep more! Coasts after coasts are awash with your sad tears,
stand still, you attempt to dive but you ain't still drowning instead you keep
moving!
Loss!
Weep more, with every tear drops you are reminded- a loss is a
loss forever, stand still with no hope,
There is none!
Dear Adeline, you know when you are in your depth of pain?!
When you are so exhausted but you can't sleep!
You are in the pit of disgust and surrender into disdain, when
your pillows are splashed into tears from veins!
You know you are in pain and you can do nothing about it!
Overdose of caffeine keeps you inclined but It's damn memory
lane, that keeps you awake.
Hollowed doubts persisted despite fixing the process, your
life-world is full of disguise,
Poor Adeline!!
The equation of you and I is 'depersonalized ',
The boundary between us is 'humanized',
The nexus between us is 'traumatized',
Amidst the 'actualization', you and I grew more further away
being 'individualized'!
Dear "D",
Why did you lose all your hopes?!
Why did you lose hope upon me?!
You shouldn’t have given up your hopes on me!
See, I was left as the remaining to re-live your hopes!
You should've seen!
How, I am restarting the journey that you left behind!
Alas! What is individuals life but a walking shadow of others!
May be some other poet said it before me!
I had to be always on a run in fast pace-
because no one ever stopped for me.
People moving in and out,
People moving here and there,
People going in and out,
People coming and getting lost!
Nobody seemed to think for me,
Think for my best and let me think while I was in arrest!
Nobody stoped for me, slowed their pace,
None had ever given me a space in their cascade!
People frowning then and now,
People doubting and interrogating,
Blaming and gaslighting,
Victimizing and preying every now and then,
Nobody thought of my timing,
That I was too young to witness all the shit I barely beared to
go through all of it!
Nobody cared for what I might think and what affect would fall
upon me!
They only cared for themselves!
So, now I have been always running....
Running in a fast pace that none can ever catch me!
I am running far from my hurtful past,
I am running from the surrounding and the transgression,
Sometimes I surpass myself,
Sometimes I forget myself,
Sometimes I overcome and overlook myself,
Sometimes I ignore my needs and dispositions,
Because, I never knew what I needed most in the first place!
Poor me, I always thought that I needed unconditional love but
that's always unrequited,
Poor me, I always thought that I needed 'pure humanitarians' but
that's even more rare and a lame showcase!
What I needed most was always there- in front of me colliding
and collaborating my name to be awakened!
It was and it is 'Self-esteem' the most worthy,
Believe in yourself- otherwise no one is going to believe you
anyways!
The world is full of negations and mistrust,
You need to build trust within yourself!
It's always you trying hard to keep me happy,
It's always you bringing smile in my face,
But, all your efforts goes astray, vanishes in vain,
All your love gets succumbed into my pains that were gathered by
evils,
I can not undone the past and the amassed pain they've put on
me,
I can not remove the scars that deeply infected me,
My torn soul though not rotten like them cries for 'apocalypse',
It wants to see the end, end of its suffering and collapse!
But, it fails.
It fails because of the very essences Its connected with,
See I can understand that you can not disconnect.
Disconnect from what you have been and what you are now.
You can share your memory but you can not erase it, you can
share your space but you can not share your existence, you can choose better
timings but you can not rewind the bad times spent!
Anyways, you can not truly enjoy because you are immersed and
always repent!
How can I feel the essence of 'Pure being' when I always had
'mixed feelings',
How can I be a complete human when I am a 'mixture of all mixed
beliefs'.
If 'mixing' is the essence of being existential,
Then, I guess, I am the 'undeniable truth' scattered and
shattered waiting to be shoveled by a 'whisk',
And, no doubt, It's another broken man assigned to assemble me,
what a great appointment 'Supreme' has made for 'brisk' human beings-who always
finds hope when put in 'risk',
Finds a way finally and regains to walk anyhow even if they
crawl and stumbles all the way to make sure they keep walking -walking towards
their destiny--the final destination for the sake of attestation!
Indeed, It's a great appointment with the 'God' of 'Gods'!
Come on, He is enjoying!
Believe that, believe you are beautiful in all your scars and
marks, believe you have been beautiful in all of the way around...because,
No matter what growth is beautiful....Growth is beautiful with
all its sway and distortions and variations.... Growth is beautiful---It makes
you a champ!
Growth is beautiful because once you were a looser for
situations and you had no choice,
Losers can't be choosers but now you have a choice---a choice to
redeem, a choice of redemption and a choice of rejoice by reconnecting your
integrated self!
The broken pieces of self is what required to amend!
Believe me, you are still there!
See,Baby, I can't have you in this dystopic world,
Monsters are going to eat you,
Cut you into pieces and devour you,
They bite you and tear you and throw you in trashes,
You'll be left all alone like a left-over loafer!
You can't survive here,
Because, you'll be all alone, all by yourself,
Your mama would be so busy building a nest for you and your papa
would be busy into crippling those straws you know!
Or, may be, your mama would be so lost in her own thoughts that
she forgets to feed you and your papa would be so busy into burning his ass to
find food for you,
But, he doesn’t have time to see that you are hungry, all this
time, you've never been looked upon with grace!
You and your papa are neglected-because of a narcissist woman!
Or, may be you and your mama are exploited- everyday your hopes
are killed-because of an irresponsible man!!
Baby,perhaps you may have siblings both older and younger!
The older ones would eat your share and leave you alone in those
starry nights into the woods to those wolves,
The younger ones would eat your head and make you cry instead-
you had no time for yourself!
See, baby, I don't want to give you this sick life,
You don't deserve all these!
I want to treat you better!
I don't want to be a 'Narcissist'
But, I can't treat you better if I am not in a better world in a
better position with all integrity of thoughts and modest peoples!
I am sorry my darling, I can't give you consciously an uneven
unjustified life that I can't handle!
You are not into this world yet,
You never had been,
You are unborn but I've given you birth in my mind
and our imaginary conversation continues,
As I start exploring your small toes,
Tiny tingling fingers and rosy lips,
I would name you 'Snow-white',
You would be my champ,
my companion in all lonely times!
Baby, you are not here,
You never had been,
I never gave you birth but my motherhood is screaming for you- I
want to hold you in my arms,
I want to grow old with you seeing you glowing young!
Baby, with you I want to enter into my lost childhood, teens and
youth,
I want to play baseball that I couldn’t play in that time,
I want to climb trees and make lots of friends that I never
could make!
Baby, I want to hear your unheard thoughts and wonders and solve
all your problems,
Even, if you don't manage a single friend,
I would like to be your friend and play with you all day long!
Baby, I want to be both your 'Super-mom' and 'Comfort-zone',
See, Mama is busy making a world worth living for,
Mama is trying hard to gather all the straws to build a nest for
you!
I just want to protect you from the
evils of the world and evils of the minds,
I also want to protect you from the
evils of us and evils of mine!
I just want to give you a better world,
better space and a better life- may be it is an unrequited utopia,
May be the world is never going to
be okay,
But, still baby, I want to protect
you,
Hide you,
Shelter you,
Keep you safe in my arms,
I just want to give you immense joy
and boundless love-that I never had!
I am preparing myself for you my
love!
I am preparing myself to hold you
tight!
I'll never leave you just like
others left me,
Mama's gonna protect you from all
the evils she has beared!"
Claim
Once I forgot who I was, because,
my identity was kept hidden,
Once, I forgot what I deserved because
my mind was infused with deep fears and doubts unbounded.
Once, I forgot myself, because,
The evils imposed their thoughts and deeds on my mind set.
I settled down for less as I hoped less.
Now, it is high time, that I claim,
I claim for the best that I saved from the rest!
I claim me from them myself-that was lost for their discouraging
arguments!
I claim my destiny,
I claim my peace,
I claim my identity,
I claim my space!
I always keep you in front of my eyes, so that I don't forget,
who I am, Who I was and Who I want to be!
I always keep you close to me to check my goals,
I never forgot who'd I like to be".
I'll make a family with the 'ghost' of yours!
It's just you and me,
Nobody else!
I'll redeem the abandoned fears,
Fears of loosing you over and over again!
Hey! How can you leave me alone when I am all bounded with your
memories and riddled with the monologues associated with you in your
discernible absence?!
You are here within me, I've absolved you and became a 'Ghost'
of yours!
I have been chasing you since you are gone!
Adeline once said,
"Whole my life up to till this time,
I've been looked as a 'standard' that people could compare!
I've been 'objectified' and 'classified' in the mode of
competition.
I've been 'labeled' and 'admired' not as a 'comfort' or a
'confidante' but as a character who shall be defied and overcome to!
I've been a standard for people to be like me but they did not
appraise me.
'I was never loved unconditionally,
I was never followed with good intentionality,
I was never adored for what I am because they feared to confront
me,
I was never admired as they don't want to comprehend me,
Because, if they do so, they are going to face themselves very
closely,
They are going to taste their own 'essences',
Adeline said with regrets, Nobody has ever loved me, all they've
wanted to negate me!
I've been so lonely!!
Oh, dear Adeline, ' Here is your prize- A filtered soul without
any heresy, loneliness is your reward in a soul-awakening enlightened journey.'
Commodity
Humans- a commodity now.
You can dispose them like a plastic wrapper once you are
satisfied off!
Humans- a commodity now.
You carry them like a bag pack-a baggage only
to stuff them with your necessities and wants.
Humans- a commodity now.
You need them to expand your network- they are like cellphones,
you just connect with them when you need them-- they are your checklist now.
Humans- a commodity now.
Skills and endeavors are all a function of 'objectification',
You earn them to get profitable, not in the dire desire of
ignition.
Humans- a commodity now.
You don't want to recognize 'passion' though you need a supreme
'recognition'.
Humans- a commodity now.
You, me, them and us are all a verified collection of
'commodification' in the retrospective of 'reification'!
We are a reified being now.
Dried- Parnassia.
"Dear Adeline, these awake nights rushed by adrenalin are
making you quite uncertain,
Black coffee can promise you consciousness but not conscience!
Dear Adeline, you are living a hyper-real life amidst
hyperactivity, where you see your 'self-image' fragmented into many dividends
lost in the crowd of false images--you become a 'dried- parnassia' in the
non-living space!"
Even, your closest people in the pack would like to see your
fall and crash you down,
They would wish for you to be broke, crook and all alone,
They would like to see you in the multitude of pain-mutilated,
drained and lost,
They would hope for your failure in the disguise of a feign
smile-they will internally badmouth you-wants to see you suffer!
Even, the closest people you choose to stay close,
To love them unconditionally and give them all what you have,
they would like to empty you, snatch everything you desire; that would make
them feeling strong and superior above you!
There is no simulacrum of our love,
No simulation, no copy, no imitations!
There are no representations of any other love like ours, we had
been on a roller coaster ride!
Do you remember the very first day we met?!
I bet, you can't forget the very first kiss we had!
The lip lock-locked our souls forever,
I won't say the cliche line--you are mine,
I am yours for eternal!
I would like to say, be like my first summer kiss,
Heroic and wonderful -- of course,
I admit-you were splendid!
Love in the time of late modernity/
Love in the society of reflexive
capitalism...!!
In any relationship-
Never be a proletariat, you will lose access,
Never be a revolutionary, you will lose all what you have,
Never be a capitalist, you are going to have everything but
still you'll be an offender and a looser,
Now, decide who's the victim here!!"
"Tell me dear Adeline, how is the fusion of Love and
anarchy? or can we say love in the time of anarchy?!
Or may be, we might say anarchy in love is- a complete
dissolution of everything.
It's just that you are too toxic that I can't stay with you, but
I loved you and these are the signs of my imperishable love for you that's so
undeniable and unsolicited,
But, you couldn’t understand the cathexis of love---its not
always receiving but also giving....
'The narcissistic you could not deter between self-love and love
for others, between the love-object and the ego-object!
Now, to love myself I've to stay away from your influences, from
your clutches, so toxic you are, so toxic you have been always!"
Intimacy
"Intimacy is not always physical, It's most of the time
mental,
Where you don't exist physically, there you can exist
mentally!"
You can not snatch everything I've built after renovation from
the remains,
You can not always win fooling me because my foolishness made me
wise- that's now become my strength!
You can not always make me feel desperate and throw me in
despair, because, in your ignorance and avoidance, I learnt to love myself
best!
You can not always corner me-because I've been always in the
edge!
I know how to overcome all the hurdles that you try to put on my
way, because I've never been used to walking on a smooth pathway,
It has been always rocky, slippery and stony,
Some extra thorns and pebbles won't make it any
harder- don't you think you're a winner in all case!
You have always unloved me,
Always tried to snatch away my happiness and tried every one
else to unlove me because you were afraid,
Afraid of my shining bright but that didn’t cut my wings but
left me with some unhealed scars and bruises---But, hey,
It's fading now cause finally I've regained my life and love, I
am not alike you, I know how to love and make sacrifices.
Claim
Once I forgot who I was, because,
my identity was kept hidden,
Once, I forgot what I deserved because
my mind was infused with deep fears and doubts unbounded.
Once, I forgot myself, because,
The evils imposed their thoughts and deeds on my mindset.
I settled down for less as I hoped less.
Now, it is high time, that I claim,
I claim for the best that I saved from the rest!
I claim me from them myself-that was lost for their discouraging
arguments!
I claim my destiny,
I claim my peace,
I claim my identity,
I claim my space!"
Goal
I always keep you in front of my eyes, so that I don't forget,
who I am,
Who I was and Who I want to be!
I always keep you close to me to check my goals,
I never forgot who'd I like to be".
Ghost
I'll make a family with the 'ghost' of yours!
It's just you and me,
Nobody else!
I'll redeem the abandoned fears,
Fears of loosing you over and over again!
Hey! How can you leave me alone when I am all bounded with your
memories and riddled with the monologues associated with you in your
discernible absence?! "
You are here within me, I've absolved you and became a 'Ghost'
of yours!
I have been chasing you since you are gone!
A lonesome journey
Adeline once said,
Whole my life up to till this time,
I've been looked as a 'standard' that people could compare!
I've been 'objectified' and 'classified' in the mode of
competition.
I've been 'labeled' and 'admired' not as a 'comfort' or a
'confidante' but as a character who shall be defied and overcome to!
I've been a standard for people to be like me but they did not
appraise me.
'I was never loved unconditionally,
I was never followed with good intentionality,
I was never adored for what I am because they feared to confront
me,
I was never admired as they don't want to comprehend me,
Because, if they do so, they are going to face themselves very
closely,
They are going to taste their own 'essences',
Adeline said with regrets, Nobody has ever loved me, all they've
wanted to negate me!
I've been so lonely!!
Oh, dear Adeline, ' Here is your prize- A filtered soul without
any heresy, loneliness is your reward in a soul-awakening enlightened journey.'
Humans- a commodity now.
You can dispose them like a plastic wrapper once you are
satisfied off!
Humans- a commodity now.
You carry them like a bag pack-a baggage only
to stuff them with your necessities and wants.
Humans- a commodity now.
You need them to expand your network- they are like cellphones,
you just connect with them when you need them-- they are your checklist now.
Humans- a commodity now.
Skills and endeavors are all a function of 'objectification',
You earn them to get profitable, not in the dire desire of
ignition.
Humans- a commodity now.
You don't want to recognize 'passion' though you need a supreme
'recognition'.
Humans- a commodity now.
You, me, them and us are all a verified collection of
'commodification' in the retrospective of 'reification'!
We are a reified being now.
I have known the history,
I have seen the present and
I can predict the future by relating these consequences, what is
it called then, Adeline?!
-Historical materialism!
Ugh, much convincing!
What is the motivation behind doing the same thing again and
again, later feeling guilt?!
-Well, it seems that, you are determined to make mistakes and
fall out, you chase the chill!
Chill of adrenaline? Come on, Adeline!
-Why to feel all burnt out, feeling empty just to satisfy some
urges to push over the surges and hopelessly returning into the patterns, oh it
looks like, Cyclic!
-You will repeat it until you are undone! Once you are engulfed
with guilt, you can leave it behind but hey, don't be so confident, you will
re-enter in the pattern, It's damn-cyclic-- you will always know somehow to
mimic!
Farewell
In
the farewell, during a shady moonlit night,
In
the corner of a jasmine garden,
Once
I asked my forgotten lover,
-Hey,
what do you like?!
Well,
I like many things such as this begotten night,
But,
most importantly I like your confidence moulded in perplexity,
I like all of your complex!
But,
then, why had you left me all by my own?!
-Because,
I am not prepared for a perpetual
puzzle
to lighten up an ephemeral ignite!"
Space
Well,
Why are you not available?!"
-Because,
I need space and time to think, and,
bet! It's more scarce than people! What else
people anyways do?!
-Looking
for other people's fault and be a critique as if they are all holy and
whole!
Superficial
So,
superficial you are outwardly,
Inwardly,
you are more damn superficial!
But,
I got fixated with your superficiality,
How,
to remove all the obscure barrier?!
Denial
of feelings, what we call?!
Nihilism/Alienation/Thanatos
-tell me dear,
what
we call!
-
Nothing. No one is void of feelings,
you have them too!
You are just too occupied to deny them; that’s
what it seems like.
The
need inside me are dead,
The
desires inside me are also dead!
I've
dealt with death- many many times in a lifetime!
-Hey,
but, you are alive!
Talking about Symbolic deaths each at a time!
All
are ashes now. I blew fumes in mere divergence.
Mystery
What
are you?! I don't understand you!
-No
need to understand.
Cause, you won't get through it!
-
Oh, really?!
-
I am a blend of stoic with reality.
I am a mystique with unbounded pleasures
and
an ascetic amidst the luxuries.
Now,
define me, what I am!
Possessiveness
Possessive
people try to keep things hard that they do not belong to or deserve.
It
is because, they know, they can't have them but they are in dire need of
possessing,
which
makes them possessive- To posses what they are not worthy of!
Orphan
Do
you need love?!
No
man, I am an orphan.
Do
you need money?!
No
dude, I am an orphan.
Do
you need status and recognition?
No
Sir, I am an orphan.
Don't
you need stability in life?!
No
sis, I am an orphan.
Hey,
come on, you don't want power?!
No
bro, I am an orphan.
-But,
you do have all of these!
Why
do you then possess them?!
Why
don't you throw away?!"
-
I have because I don't need them.
I don't need all of these now,
because
I didn’t have them when
I needed them most back then.
And,
I can't push them away cause
they can't get away from me!
I
am just playing a 'Role' and carrying away!
-
Oh, I see, You are a complete man!
-No,
you are wrong!
I am an incomplete man in all complete ways, so
you are.
We
are all incomplete somehow in some ways, However, life goes on!
Acceptance
Accept
yourself,
it
takes courage to accept what you are,
by
accepting yourself wholly,
one
can get immense confidence and valour in oneself!
Protection
I
couldn’t protect you,
But,
now I am protecting your name!
Higher Unity
What
you can't get anyway,
you
replace it with some other thing-
higher
unities-that also takes you higher!
Higher
from the need to get that particular interesting object!
That's
called resolution or objective; easily to define.
Anticipation
When
I see your valiant presence, something omnipotent happens!
Then
I imagine our unforeseen conversation,
You
and I are entangled!
But,
your presence is what is absent or had never existed-
Ruins
the perfect scenario of a lovemaking
Unrequited
love is what makes you so special!
Longings
deceive us because we lose attraction
when
something is at proximal appropriation.
But,
remember dear,
love
is at Its best when in anticipation,
Fantasy
Maybe
you don't think of me as much as I do,
Maybe
I am not in your sync, not into your antenna,
I
am out of your sight and out of your reach,
Sighs
the inner me!
Cause,
nothing would happen between us as anticipated!
I
would never express my infatuation for you as in my thoughts,
In
the imaginary another world I’ve hold your hand
looked
into your eyes and blushed in those fiery gazes!
When
finally you approached me to kiss my lips-
I
looked away in the sand and
started
to count the waves,
But,
times retrogrades,
I
came back to the present from the super-fast pacing universe,
I
see myself bounded into chains!
How
can I belong to you when I don't belong to myself?!
My
fantasy to hold you tight never fulfils,
I
wonder in folklore to have you kissed.
The
imagined unrequited love that we have,
may
be because of those fantasies we are connected somewhere –
who
knows may be in sublime!
Or,
who knows may be in constellations and satellites!
May
be in our head,
telepathically
involving us into unseen romance!
No,
my unrequited love,
I've
never seen or heard you,
But,
now, I can feel you, your very essence!
Is
it because I want it to feel like this way?!
Or,
maybe I am the only one to conspire all these
and
engage thoughts in the winds of craze!
Who
knows! It's me, a part of me longing you-
obeying
the part of me that is still aim-inhibited,
bans
me of this feeling!
We
never existed in the same space;
I
can not proceed you nor can I ever have you!
Unrequited
Love
Insomniac
because of the remnants of past experiences,
Insomniac
because of the lost words never spoken and lost gestures never shown!
Insomniac
in the craze of unrequited love that never existed, so many sleepless nights
just to justify-exist amidst the chaos of the life!
A
poet’s confession
All
my poems are paradoxical!
Pessimistic
at the same time;
inventing
and soothing on the other hand!
Well,
perplexity of my writing; I know that!
This
is my style and sense of humour,
bet,
one can't beat it in mere criticism
without
any grounded knowledge or
a
huge depth of understanding and mesmerizing
emotional
comprehension!
I
read more thoroughly hence I can write more lively!
I
am my best critique!
And,
a vivid reader!
That's
the point!
Everyday
I've to live without you,
Everyday
I've to deal with the fact that you are not with me,
your
absence haunts me!
No,I
can't scream,
I
can't cry loud,
People
will see 'the weak', 'the bleak' and 'the blunt' me.
I
could not paint me weak; but, now I want to!
I
want the world to know that living without you is the toughest war
I've to deal every single day, every step,
every breath.
I
want the world to know that I've not forgotten you,
You
are a part of me,
you
dwell inside of me,
I
want to show that I could not live a happy life without you.
Void
of you, deprived me from all the joyfulness of life!
Cartographers
Cartographers
of their own destiny,
They
carved their own shape,
Cremated
a semi grave, either to hop out or
lie
down forever in the leftover grains!
People
see what they want to see,
People
wants what they appear to see!
Comprehension
is what makes a diamond wealth
otherwise
what is it, nothing but a shiny object!
Artist
All
the artists there, Do not hide yourself,
We
will have to stick in the digital circumference,
We'll
have to sustain in this digital culture and win the battle,
not
falling behind.
Shrine
I
will have to let my intellectual property go public from personified
to break the barrier of thousands of years!
You
are welcomed in my shrine!
Said
the hundred year old lady sage!
She
smiled and poured him her nectars of knowledge
in
a soup bowl, he drank it all!
He
was so thirsty,
She
was so pleased!
A
divine platonic bond they had!
From
then, the enlighten wanderer seeks refuge there!
Staying
connected with powerful people empowers you,
but,
at the same time, you get swallowed by them too!
The
power you get by exploitation and accumulation,
I
give you all!
The
power you get, you get it by controlling me,
my
actions,
So,
be grateful!
The
power you have, you owe me for all!
The
post, the position,
The
honor, you get it through me,
For
my submission!
For
my desublimation!
The
strength you get is from my weaknesses and loss of self-consciousness!
The
power you get by holding me as peonage!
So,
be grateful!
I
make you for what you are,
for where you stand now!
Bow
to me!
I
am the creator!
A
story of loyalty
I
am loyal to you for decades and those sincerities can't be put on facades.
I've
been with you in all thick and thins,
I've
wandered with you in those dreadful rocky mountains
and
slippery expedients!
So,
that was my part of story.
But,
I forgot, You have a version of your own part in the storyline too!
Once
in a chitchat with your so called friends actually aka foes in a lavish dine,
I
overheard you saying,
"Ugh,
she's a loyal bitch! Forever, barking but not biting,
A docile creature that only circulates around
it’s master,
she
is just a circle, I am the center of it!"
Really?!
It
seems so! Here I want to rewrite the story and there's a plot twist,
"If
you think me a loyal dog, I will bite you if you are caught off security,
But, if you think me a loyal baby tigress,
I will rip you apart before you even start
crawling!"
Moral
of the story is," Never, doubt my loyalty and never ever look down to it,
Don't
take my grudges for granted, I make every penny count, don't forget it!
Selection
Some
people are so damaged that they fear to bond with people. Don't go there, It's
dark inside. You will be wrecked too! Damaged people attracts damaged ones and
gets more damaged.
Very
selectively we choose a selective people to tell parts of our selected stories
of life, here, we create our own story, our own discourses part by part. So it
is impossible to know a person completely , cause you can only sense a part of
her/him not the whole!That's why, there is many a different versions you can
hear about one.And, this process goes for infinity until the day humanity is
doomed!
Dark
Do
not let me fall into the pits of nihilism,
I
swear, I won't let you find me there.
Dark
can not remove darkness,
Too
much light makes things blurry!
Pain
Once,
you are habituated to pain and have a good understanding with it, then, You are
no longer chained up or a slave to it, you get addicted to it. Comprehension of
pain and addiction to it makes you strong and wise. Enjoy being in pain. Power
lies in pain not in satisfaction. May be satisfaction lies in overcoming pain,
who knows! Nothing is certain anyways!
You
know what you've ruined?!
The
'Perfect image of happiness',
I
see there is none, it is a perfect imagination,
no ounce of truth in it!"
Whole
my life up to this date,
I've
lived in the 'Sublime',
You
know what is sublime my dear?!
It
is the conjunction of two opposed feelings,
Love
and rage,
Fallacy
and agony,
Passion
and harmony,
Ability
and disability,
Fear
and Fury,
Runs
inside my head.
Collides
in the clash.
It’s
all Inside.
They
will say, do not use your brains, do what we say,
And,
they will also say that if you do by your own,
You
are doomed, there is no recognition,
I
said, Okay, I choose the path of Salvation!
I
devote myself to me and there can not be any more assumption!
The
mighty sailor says, there is no direction and here after,
Hence
no predictions!
Genuine Self
Those
who don't know you closely
will always speculate things behind you.
Be careless, be yourself; that’s why they
resent you!
I
can not stay away from you my friend, my foe and my lover,
Because
now I have become "You" or more to it,
There
is I guess no difference or no other signifier to relate!
Detached lover
I
may be a detached lover,
Be
prudent, but I am not a cheater!
I
may be a lonely seeker but not an irresponsible jerk!
I
may not know how to love properly but there is no hole in my devotion!
I
may live alone but I do not know how to move forward!
There
is no cure, no prevention!
There
can be only resolutions but no solutions!
Alas!
Those who were destined to live alone, likes living alone!
They
don't bond!
I
want to feel nature like I am the breeze flowing
above
the hills and labyrinth violet skies!
I
want to feel the part of you as if I am one of your
parts
prolonged and protracted!
The
reason I breathe is you,
I
can feel the gentle breeze because of you.
You
are an open grassy field,
I
lie down like a grass finch,
I
want to feel nature like I am the waves
curving the
sea up and down in symmetry,
I
want to blow you into the winds and waves of the sea,
Can
you hear the sound of the beach?
They
are mingling with each other one after another just like us-
Like
we have kissed like never before!
Ah,
the combination of breeze and waves is a fiery one
Can
you imagine?!
Words
are imaginations,
Imaginations
are ideas formed,
Ideas
are thoughts-realization of the higher self!
I
can love you is also a part of me undiscovered!
Now
I know the reason!
Nothing
is beyond reason!
You
are my burning hope and the face in which
I
want to see the curves of smiles and dimples,
They
are the lightening pearls when you laugh,
I
want to be that uttermost happiness in you!
You
are my big nature!
I
hustle and discover,
It
grinded me and depleted into three parts
-mind,body
and soul!
What
is a mind without a soul?
What
is the body without a mind?
And
what is life without awareness of both?
I
want to be your nature just like you are mine!
Reciprocity
and duality of the universe let it flow but
not
make us apart,let nature bring us closer!
I
see you like a deep pit,
Never
could I reach and
you
see me like a mystery
Always
undisclosed!
Discovery
or invention,
whatever
it is-I feel as if it is the only sensational truth!
I
breath for you because you are the reason I am so
alive,
awakened and true!
Competition
My
competition is not with you, dumb,
My
competition was always with me,
My
inner self and outer representations,
What
I think and what I appear to do,
I
count on every bits and second!
My
competition is not with you fool,
You
should not make a hustle to hurt me and yourself!
All
you will get is a two way directions!
You
may rise but not satisfied,
You
may think you won but not justified,
You
just want to see me cry but I am not a crybaby,
I
forgot to shed tears in front of ohers long ago
But
still, I was fragile towards you ,humble and disarmed
So
that you can harm me,
So
that you can take advantage of me,
So
that you can hurt me with your words and angry gazes and actions,
I
gathered all the criticisms but instead of blaming I focused on,
what
I lack you to think me asa competitor in lieu of thinking of
a
friend or a comfort?
I
did not do any harm to you,
I
was just true to myself,
I
spoke the raw truth,
Also,
I did not think of shitty consequences instead ,
I
worked on what I admire and am passionate about,
Oh!I
was so busy in doing what I prefer to do
and
not think about the emotional pieces of baggage
later
I have to carry on and that was loaded with all
hatred
,anger and jeolousy,
Oh,I
did not do anything wrong!
Instead
of being other, I became myself for,
And
instead of promulgating common thoughts and
similarities
of poor talks,
I
communicated with the soul!
If
being oneself is a crime,
Then
I am the sinner!
If
trying to know causality and self is a sin,
Then,
pardon me, I am a bloody sufferer!
If
pursuing passion is a crime,
Then,
punish me I am the selfish crack!
If
knowing oneself and uplifting into a higher state
Is
a path of deviance in your eyes,
Then,
shit I am the bloody deviant you should be charging on!
If
learning and relearning seems a threat to you and
You
go on spreading hatred,
The,
I will be the person always enlightened,
Preaching
peace and comfort.
I
want to touch you like you are a moving force
and
I can not hold you,
I
want to touch you like you are a magnificent magnitude of a magnet,
Oh,I
want to love you because you release me from
sufferings
and deliverance of pains,
You
are my Magna Carta,
You
are my expedition,
I
want to display myself in front of you like a glory
Or
like a form of wax in the museum and
incarnate
in the era of incarnation!
This
is not the period for you to be mine!
All
believes in puny disillusionment!
If
I became yours it will turn out to be a torture and punishment!
No
I do not want any resentments,
Hence
I will distance myself from you and self,
Disowning
you is like rejecting my truer self,
Lust
and love and devotion and seduction-what is not present!
Fury
of lust, shall bring us closer,
But
again, egocentric omnipotencee despairs
us
for its real reasons!
Love
shall not be veiled oh I love you so much
and
want you nearer,so far you are,
so
cold and distant and obscure you are!
You
are a tough rock to crack!
But
you know what I love is to ride on mountains!
You
are a wondrous gift from God that I seek from!
You
are the reason my devotion and gratitude is in God!
What
an uprising moment when you look at me!
I
get pierced through your eyes,
I
want to preserve your looks for me into a mirror
so
that I can see it everytime instead of seeing me!
I
want to run and jump and collide into you,
You
pick me!
I
want to be grinded by you and your bite on my skin,
Please
do some gestures on me!
Why
are you so silent!?
Don't
you know your silence makes you lose?
Try
once, and I am yours forever!
Try
once, and you'll see I am located beside you!
Try
once and you'll see I am within you ,
always
in you,in your thoughts may be or not,oh such an uncertainty!
Look
at me!
I
am your primitive desires!
I
demand clarity as I demand for objects but you are so precious to me,
I
won't or intend to objectify you!
When
I don't see I can't stop thinking about you,
It
makes me sick and insane,mundane and endless thoughts of no reality,
you
are just an illusion but why do you capture so much of my attention?
Perhaps
you are the one I want to be like,
You
are one lightening me and perhaps someday you made me laugh,
I
miss those days!
Perhaps,actually
the fact is you and me are never meant to be together!
Just
like ages and stages of lives,we are different,
you
are apathetic on something new!
And
I fear to enter into my vulnerability
Into
my fearless echelons,
To
get you I won't fear fate,universe and world,
If
I ever have you I won't answer to the questions of God and men of God's,
Try
me once I am so much into you,
Every
action of me resonates and evolves around you,
Every
desires I hide speaks about you,
You
are in my head,
You
are in my heart,
My
damn obsession ,I am obsessed by the thoughts of you!
Perhaps,it
is better that you be my obsession not posession,
we
do not get what we aspire for or may be we do get but we just do not try all
the way,
Though
I want to –
you
don't know about my extremisms,
But
again I am bound to fears of rejections and societal orientations,
No
I am not free to love you!
This
thought is sordid,this begets mishape,
If
loving and wanting someone is an ordeal
I
am the failure!
If
loving you is a disaster,I am disastrous,
If
loving you is a storm then I am doomed into ruins
of
paradise and utterence of wicked repressed
desires
that shall be burnt into hades!
I
have rided inferno for you,
I
have burnt myself and left myself open for flies
and
worms to rip my fleshes because of you!!
Love
or despair me but you can not ignore
the
upsurge I bring forth into life!
I
am a calamity,I am riverine serenity,
You
choose which side you want to get of mine!
Choice
is a course of action,
Choice
is what you think and thoughts are the
forms
you get transcended from your past experiences,
imagination
for future shaping present,
You
make a choice as you decide,
You
make a choice rather-I'll be your present or future!
But
before leaping into the future, please make sure to make your present,
Because
my thoughts and actions differ
of
yours hence so of presence,
You
delay,you lose me,
You
hustle you won't get enough of me!
Decide-what
you want,
Decision
shapes events,
The
decision is yours!
Chastity
of creation
I
do not get what I want because
there
is a big picture awaiting aftermath this or
in
front that is too obscure or distant,
that
I rarely could figure out,
Till
Figuring this out I make the picture real,
I
do not get easily what I want because
what
I want is a crux of difficulty and multiplicity,
Otherwise,
if I had found it I would lose all the creations,
and
stop the pace, the run of healing and creating,
Creating
and thinking,
Thinking
and working,
Working
and making,
Making
and holding it into my hands,
Once
found we keep it like a decorative piece of object
name
it achievement and in the plumpness of it,
We
lose the thin chastity of creation!
Unrealistic
Once
again defeated by my thoughts,
my
actions become sloth and I become a slow coach
lost
in the realms of uncalculating thoughts and visualizations!
Defeated
by thoughts,in a jail of it, we remain captive for decades.
Thoughts
of you captures me,
Putting
rupturing effects on my regularities and persona,
You
are an unconquered effect!
I
am affected by you in soft delicacy-
time
passes away and I spend it on unrealistic thought processes!
In
your eyes I see an undeniable attraction,
I
follow you everywhere as if I am possessed,
What
is this attraction?!
Just
like gravity pulls everything to the centre,
You
are my gravity and
I
promise there's no other cavity in my heart
that
is sunk in your deep blue sea,
I
am diving deep,
I
am surfing on the surface,
Upside
down, I am on the top of the mountain,
Face
to face,
I
see your eyes,
Your
ash eyes drive me crazy,
I
bet let's not stop this frenzy, all right?!
Upside
down!
We
roll like kids in a slider,
I
am a relentless observer, watching you!
Your
care and caress is all what the poetess seeks!
Unknown
I
see both a man and a child inside you.
Well,
it seems I am in love with both of you!
The
child version of yours brings my affectionate girlish side ,
which
is unknown to me,
The
man version of yours brings a cheery but adamant womanish attitude in me,
that's
unknown to me too!
I
know myself better with you, even
I
know myself better when I am not with you.
To
be with you or be parted from you,
Both
assemble me to linkages of myself that I never knew!
You
make me the whole, the version the world wants to know!
But
only you know the version of me, that the world can not fathom or try to
know!
Inner
child
My
inner child is happily playing with your inner child!
My
lips are elated to share a lock with your lips,
My
body seeks the temperature of your body,
My
soul approves of the sensation of your soul,
My
hands want to touch you in numerous ways, unusually!
My
eyes meeting your eyes speaks about dreams and visions,
My
heart always wants to contain your heart,
It
fears that there shall not be any conflict,
Any
more delusions!
Ours
is a great love story, a story written in sun and moons and constellations!
Ours
is a great adventure that shall be written in all great scriptures!
What's
the point of asking for goals,
If
you get scared like hell and jealous like a brittle jelly?!
What's
the point of asking one about themselves?
If
you don't allow them to be!
I
see, your self shattered into so many pieces, but you act like a brisk
adventurer,
People
show whatever they are not and hide their truest self they might be!!
People
say the opposites of their mind to elate your desires,
Theyt
to see your fall but will wish you to rise in all pleasant meetings!
All
those good morning texts are fake!
All
those words spoken in goodwill are a riddled apartheid!
You
are torn between 'Gender Discrimination',
God
damn me! But, here, it's not the rise of another feminist!
Feminism
is also created by elitism, a product of higher means and ends,
the
so-called patriarchs.
It's
beneficial for them to liberate a part of women,
but they shall remain forever below them, so
they believe!
They
create feminists, so they might exploit women more in the name of
emancipation!
They
also create the boundaries of feminism, how masculine a female might and shall
become!
In
a life changing viva board, I was asked a question,
What
is your aim and resolution?
I
said them loud whatever was in my mind,
They
kind of screwed my intuition!
But,
they got scared of my dreams and put a full stop on the talking duration!
I
couldn’t speak but my eyes met with their feared eyes and spoke a load,
what
wasn’t heard and undone,
I
got my renumeration!
And,
do you know what was that?!
It
was a rejection!
I
told them, I am eligible in all ways and can hold a better position,
But,
they could see my heights and lengths but not the depth of my innovation
that
I could bring in a table and hashtag mesmerization!
I
forgot that people are meager and doubtful,
They
feel inferior in front of your meaningful words and impactful action,
You
also forgot that, hey, this is the cruel world,
this
is reality my dear,
They
won't give you a recognition!
Lowering
your standards would give them satisfaction!
But,
enduring your journey all alone and not by succumbing to their interaction,
You
can build a multi-purposed functional inner world, delimiting the imposed
limitation!
That's
a victory, a passionate lover does not know how to stop in the whirlpool,
there
can be no other piece of her, no imitation, forget about all the intimidation!
I
know I performed well,
But,
you did'nt like my confidence,
And,
that's your problem, not mine!
Never
say, a say about your goals and admirations,
People
are like energy hawk, they try to steal your vibes and inspiration!
Never
say, a say about yourself too much though the world aspires to know you
better,
That's
a cloak to soak your aura, don't be in illusion!
What
didn’t make me eligible in your eyes is not my limitation!
You
can not hold me because I am a limited edition!
She
was a rock and a mountain!
And,
she knew how to stand straight!
She
walked upon her grave and gave a smile so bright,
She
shone in the midst of stormy nights!
Her
charm was like a sparkle,
One
can just see but can not watch forever,
too
bright to handle, it might burn your eyes!
It
takes a toll of intelligence to give socially accepted answers, one need
to understand the public psychology, what exactly the person next to you wants
to hear from you, you have to sense it before hand and then give them their
desired responses! And, it takes a load of courage to speak your mind loud but
the consequence is, you won't get the socially aspired position that you long
for, instead, you will be on odds and on a run; you will get to do the odd,
what others can't imagine! To be your own kind out of societal pressure and
expectations takes a lot of compromises, especially, one has to give up the
highly valued social aspirations for the sake of being original!
Tick
Tock
I
know only the geometry of your body, nothing more shall I fathom to see,
I
hear the melody you breath in and out, nothing less shall I aspire to
hear!
I
look the geography of your body and soul,
Not
less or not more shall I desperately seek!
I
watch you over and over again, no other scene appetites me!
Tick
Tock. Tick Tock.
Give
the poetess undeniable love, so shall she give you immortality.
Give
her love and care, so shall she name you in an imperishable destiny!! Cheers!!
Problem
of Love
The
problem with love is that, you try to make your love object to be like you, a
photocopy, nonetheless.
You
can not escape reality-from where you are and where you remain,
No
matter what so ever changes, no matter how much you understand and evolve,
Or
work upon,
Nothing
changes-The fundamentals never change -It is inevitable, unchangeable and
unpredictable.
Fascination
He
was fascinated by me, I was fascinated by him,
Both
of us lost fascination on each other over time,
Paths
aparted.
Some
bridges we walked
Sometimes
we spent all forgotten.
and
suddenly, we disappear.
It
is actually interdependence,not infatuation,
Better
understood earlier.
Or
perhaps infatuation building dependence,
We
tend to forget that we are independent
and
not dependent on each otherr.
Time
passes and it is a healer.
It
heals wounds of love and insatiate gratifications,
Either
we decide to have more or just juxtapose
our
desires with innate passion,
But
again passion is nothing but a hustle
and
a grip of wind,we forget that we can not hold fire.
Creator
The
one who creates always leaves behind the relics of collateral damages!
Damages
of self to create a world of happiness not for themselves but for the people,
for
people, whom they know, for people whom they don't know, who are distant to
them!
There
is no world of creation without disrupting destruction!
Everything
is always, as it seems under construction!!
What
is love
Love
is an art of speech!
If
love doesn’t occur from a beautiful speech, then whatever it might be but,
it’s
not love!
Love
is at its best when in anticipation!
A
short story
The
only credit of you in my life is that you swiped away the ground of
reality
from
my feet once in a silly summery noon at the butterfly squad in the mid-town
adventure!
Now,
that became the talk of the town-a short story!!
Why
don’t you love again?
Once
I asked a maiden, why don’t you love again?!
Why
are you living in reminiscence?!
Why
are you building hope in the sands?!
The
calm maiden gave me a cold stare,
Her
mild glimpse of peace got me into goosebumps and current,
Very
slowly she replied,
When
love is doomed that does not mean a person is looking for a new love of life,
It
means s/he has endured the whole and is not interested in going through the
same condition again!
It
is utterly hopeless and utterly meaningless,
It
is indeed hopelessly, meaninglessly useless!
Eros
and thanatos always remains in a fight!
Who
wins in the game- nobody knows till death!
Nobody
can know till the end!
But,
how can love be so sustainable along with the reality principle?!
Because,
it originates from another realism,
that
no human can live without it and It's a pleasure!
But,
who says, love is always a pleasure?!
It's
a short-term incubation! And, long term suffocation!
But,
why do you stay in love?!
Because,
you have no option!
You
are habituated to love and love more like Infinity some!
You
love for best or worst, but the cycle of love never stop,
whether
you stay in or out of love, It's gonna create always a hole in your heart,
whether
you extinct from this world,
It's
irrelevant; love, never fades away and
there
is no extinction of love in any period,
it
reappears in many, many forms in the way of life as usual!
Eros
and thanatos is constantly fighting!
Who
wins in the game- nobody knows !
Nobody
can know the end till death!
Till,
Thanatos appears in form and fume humans in ashes.
Love
instinct is a bondage,
But,
reality instinct paves freedom,
Both
of this instinct clashes with each other,
Remains
in a dialectical position,
When
love is high reality disappears,
When
reality is high no love occurs!
When,
love and reality is co-existent in a juxtaposition,
Then,
both of them competes with each other to take control of the human!
Alas!
Love is always a failure!
When
you understand that nothing can heal you,
No
accomplishments, no person, no possessions,nobody and nothing can make you
happy,
then,
you are truly immersed into the depth of sadness.You know only you can choose
when to sooth your sadness for the sake of moving on or just for living,
you
have the switch of turning on and off the button,
Then,
you know the meaning of life that it is nothing but only a sad encounter!
The
biggest myth of life is, as they say,
"Time
heals everything!"
What
a lie!!
Instead,
time digs deep, it hurts more and more,
Untill
you fall into a rabbit hole!
You
are more wounded by time,
And,
just like time itself, pain knows no bounds,
It
becomes limitless, speechless,transgressing,
running
deep and very deep.
To
diminish the pain,the attempt as you see, is utterly hopeless!!
I
search dust,I collect ash,
Therefore,
I find the pearl,I carry grief upon my head
In
quest of happiness, I give a drive to a trickery sea
that
is wide enough but full of cheat.
I
search for happiness in the mourn,
Tears
binding in my heart beats every time.
My
numberless dreams with reverent hands fall crash too hard.
Where
the destiny is remain unknown.
Yet,I
smile, oh!yes,I smile like a shooting star!
I
fly free as a dove in the sky that knows no bound.
I
cherish my suffering deep in the core of my heart
There
they sleep in the lap of their mother.
I
build a house of my own and stay happily ever after,
I
get peace in the sorrow.
I
turn off the glimpse of light then I close my eyes.
Two
drops of tears rolling down gently on my face.
I
feel glad, Oh I feel glad, when I am alone,
yes,when
I am alone I feel a sense of relief,
Because,I
can bleed in sorrowful battle,
but
can't see people dying in it!
In
a world of mountain-like vise,
I
enquire for freedom,
What
is sorrow if it doesn't hurt?
What
is happiness if it isn't felt?
What
is moonsoon without summer?
What
is sun without its intensity!
When
there is dark outside
there's
merely a tiny reflection of light
Pain
is external that never sustains,
Hope
is eternal that always win.
Devotee
My
alienated detatched lover whimpers in pain,
Everybody
is selfish,
They
want your togetherness for their own needs,
People
are so needy but I don't find anyone when I am in need.
And
the poetess said to her lover,
"I
am too loyal for my own being as I need something/ someone to worship on,
to believe in,That's called devotion, not love
or lust!”
I
am nothing less but a devotee to you,
I
am devoted for you, you are to me,
We
are two devotees worshipping each other!
And,
here comes no uncertainty about loyalty,
Cause
devotion only examines patience and dignity!!
The
lover cheered up. Cleared his doubts. Started praying.
His love is like a prayer, her devotion is
like a sacred hymn played into the oceans!!
Her
belief was a spirit of fire!
His
love for her was a spirit of water!
I
am intoxicated in your love,
Enchanted
though not misguided in your love,
Do
you mind?!
I
am all focused and involved only into you,
And,
my shattered pieces all one by one confronted by you,
knows
me deeper than anything else,
Deeper
than the deepest sea,
Deeper
than the ocean blue sky,
Deeper
than the deadly rock and skyscraper!
I
am immersed into you,
In
the whimsical of pain and pleasure,
All
with you, drowned in your melodrama,
Now,
tell me my love, what can I do?!
I
break myself by breaking you but I had to
break
myself always to be with you!!
I
crave you
With
all the stimulations and the long-lasting desires!
I
crave you as you curve me more into hindsight!
I
crave you like I have been detached from you for about a decade!
I
would crave for you even in the grave!
My
ghost would hunt you down in solitude and
be
watchful over your every move as if you are in shackle!
Shackle
of divine love and reprisal!
This
ambivalence is beyond comprehension!!
For
your only direction should be always towards me,
For
your thirst should only be appeased by me!
For
your vision should only encounter with mine and
stare
at the cold gaze before the earth is reignited into fire and ashes!!
What
say?! Huh!
Common
let's play with holy fire,
Get
turnished before purification and get fixated,
For
a lifelong mate- maybe we could become an empyrean!!
Estranged
Lover
Once
my estranged lover shouted in agony-
I
am also needy, I am exhausted taking care of others.
I
have me only when I am in need!
Here,
the lioness poetess comes,
She
tucks his head in her wide arms and whispers in his ears,
Here,
I am, all in one, Be calm and take
whatever you need!
I
build my reality with my own hands= Free will;
I
know how to build my reality with my own hands= Structure;
I
build my reality with my own hands because the reality was always there,
I
had to build it in my own way, as everything always pre-existed!
Words
of wisdom
You
can not repress your experiences, they somehow show their reflection in your
behaviour. Whatever you want to hide, the ugly truth of your experiences, that
particular concealed part comes out of you when you interact with people, you
show your weakness, insecurities and worries, because you are instinctive to
find a shelter, a part of home to the persons you share your deepest scars
with. The problem of suppression of pain is that you express those in wrong
time, in wrong situations with wrong peoples, because they have been so
successful to show you the part of hominess that you so eagerly longed for!
But, you had been wronged before and you will be wronged forever, because you
fall in the trap of manipulation everytime if you try to suppress your
weakness, your pain, your hidden agonies, frustration, anguish
.If
you try to repress your pain, then you will feel suffocated always and build an
alter ego, that eventually connects you with manipulative people, you can not
any longer deter between right and wrong, moral and immoral, because your own self then blinds you self boosted ego that
is actually working as a self-defence mechanism.
That's why, its okay to not be okay sometimes. Its okay to flush out your
angers, your worries, It's okay to make mistakes, then learn. It's for your own
growth, self-wisdom, It's actually a learning process in life. To get broken,
shattered into pieces and then gathering those broken pieces and make a new
version of yourself, embracing your pains, insecurities, not letting to build
alter-ego, to understand your defence mechanism and not to stick with it, with
time, let it flow! Let you yourself, understand your pain better than anyone
else, let you yourself analyze it, dive deep through it, shrug yourself and
tell, its okay! You are worth it! It happens! Let you understand the causes
that effected your pain, if not you can change all the processes that caused
you misery but you now are free from self-guilt, inferiority and stop blaming
yourself and others for your agony. Then only you will be self-healed, you
don't need others to project upon your unfulfilled desires, you do not need
others to flush out your pain, agonies. You yourself are the master of your
life, a master of your self-healing journey. Do not blabber about your pain, do
not complain, do not step behind, do not hide, confide in yourself, do not
despair, do not loose hope, just embrace your pain. Be the adult that you h
never had to show you path, be that mentor, set your own 'mantra' by
understanding your pain, mastering it and then relief will come by releasing
it! Let it go, let it flow, let it be just the way as it is! It is the part of
life, its your own shadow, you can not escape it and you can not detach it from
yourself. Its your very own essence- embrace it, love it, give it a name, a
meaning, a purpose, a reason.
Reason solves everything! Give it a proper definition, fix it's place and give
it a role!
Be the adult that you wanted to get in your past life, be the adult that you
wish to be for your future version. Be the adult, be the guide for others to
let them get to understand their own journey, be the change, be the light,
enlighten yourself and others with that light!
You are a force to the universe, you are the master of your own fate, you
should account for your actions, you should play your role as a social being
rightfully in all ways, you can not escape from taking responsibilities. You
are responsible for yourself and others, You alone are responsible for breaking
or mending the society, social norms, so to build a stable society, at first
you have to build yourself- a version of yourself that knows why she/he exists,
who can identify herself/himself with reason, rationality and morality, an
'incomplete morality' can destroy you and societal peace. After, the accomplishment
of being a whole human -a compassionate one who can reason, then you can help
others to construct themselves and build a peaceful society together, nit by
surpassing agonies but by actually embracing them, acknowledging them. That's
where spiritual or rational success I named, will come from!
While
talking to a person, we often forget that we are not just talking with an
individual but with a myriad of role players, and we don't know what
role/character is she/he in while interacting with you....! That's how
miscommunication forms between individuals, clashes between ideologies
comes from conflict between roles and role players. Everything it seems is a
part of societal role playing, identity, status, acknowledgement and all is a
part of it! "The basic role" one admires in herself/himself, s/he
chooses to show it to others and interacts within the concepts of the roles,
the cliches that particular role inflicts upon her/him, that s/he brings up
with her/him and carry wherever s/he goes, with whomever they encounter and
with whatsoever they happen to be doing in daily basis.
If
you can not change the fact, then interpret the fact differently.It will sooth you.
But most importantly, it will keep you on track or open new opportunities and
pathways. If you can not have a solution of an innate existential problem, then
build up coping mechanism by believing in something valuable; it may be belief
on supreme soul, on humanistic qualities such as love, hope and aspirations.
Struggle itself will never slow down or be less disturbing, but it will at
least be bearing! Coping skill, that's called human's ultimate power, There is
nothing human can not do to overcome her/his adversity. What does not kill you
makes you strong-so in this fiery world the first thing is to do is to survive!
Survive -mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and socially. Survive
comprehensively,all the way possible! That's life! It is not a fantasy land,
its a place where your dreams are crushed down under hard realities!
We
live once,We are born once,
Wait
who said we are born once?
What
you see coming out of your
womb
is a mere creature like anyother,
Its
not your part or contribution,
It
will crawl when it'll get hungry,
It'll
cry when it needs your help,
You
pity and your pityness you call it
Love,Ah!what
an universality!
How
fake are you?!
You
die once,who says that lame truth,
You
had been dead since you are alive,
You
are a prisoner,You are a vision of another big motion,
You
are just an arranged assembly,
you
are nothing but codes and symboles,interections and
settings
of something already planned,
You
can think that you exist but what if you were
always
hidden?Rotten inside,
You
can presume you play well but what if that
game
doesn't belong to you?
You
are just playing a secondary role,
Ah!
sucking!
You
suck like a neuter,
You
spit like a rat,
You
speak like a dumb ass,
You
act like a fool when you try to convince
Yourself
all known,
You
gather power like a fox,
You
accumulate like a bunch of snakes,
Stop
breathing!your poisonous smell is
Deteriotating
in nature,
You
are spoiling the eco system;perhaps
You
are building it,
You
are at the top of the pyramid,
How
can one collapse it?
Does
anyone lets anybody to get in anyways?
Love,hate,affection,blessing,curse,respect
all
human emotions are an illusion,
You
need what you want and you use these terms for projections,
Imposing
roles on others whom you assign in
Your
life to get means,
Fools
believe in you,
May
be theirs brain is an illusion,
That
signals him to trust,
Trust
and get hurt,
Love
and be broken,
Hate
and take privilege,
Sooth
and get disheartened,
Master
and impose dominance,
Submission
and coerced intercourse,
You
sport like a foul cat,
Without
permission you propagate,
You
are pregnant then with disloyalty,
Disbelief
and disown yourself,
Of
what you get without asking for,
Like
this way I was not asked by Almighty
to
choose,
My
preferences are always evoluting,
For
thousands and thousands of years my
thoughts
have roamed through other
Askers,through
truth seeker,
Now
since I have born I will sustain,
I
will ask,I will find my lost self,
I
will look upward,I will look humanity,
I
don't think anyone owns this,
I
will love fiercely, I will cohabit
Not
according to my lot but to whom I adamantly prefer ,
you
can try your best to not to see me,
But
trust me my friend you can not hide me!!
I
don't need anybody to dance with me,
I
don't need anybody to run with me,
I
don't need anybody to feel the chill,
I
can see the charms,beauty and necters,
I
gathered petels,wore it as neclace,
I
roamed around the half of the world
East
middle Asia to find your trace,
But
I almost forgot those paths,
I
forgot,because I loved twice,
I
was born and reborn,
In
the paleolithic wet land,
I
was found in delta,
I
crossed it like an ultra,
In
my way I saw sufferers
Suffering
with me,
I
saw stones and bricks,
I
saw sticks and storms,
I
saw flood and irony,
I
saw magnificent and wanderers,
I
saw truth and victory,
I
saw conspiracy ,hidden culture and a defeat,
I
tried to break the walls,but I was grounded,
I
tried to hold you,I tried to see the world in
Your
eyes but you shove my head with sharp
Needles,it
hurts,
Nothing
gonna change me as
I
am consistently part of dual existence,
One
aparted from another will unite beyond
Controversy,
When
one part of me asks who do you belong?
I
say I am yours when you exist,
The
other part groaning,then where do I collide within?
I
say you are in my breath,in my consciousness,
But
when only I inhale,
How
can you stop breathing?
I
am your owner,
No
you don't owe me I owe you!
My
living and death are in my hands,
If
I decide to live I can live without breathing
Beyond
era,time,space and being,
If
I decide to die I can be dead despite living
Like
an empty shell wandering,
Giggling
with no reason,
I
need purpose to exist,
So
none of yo r my master,
I
prevail therefore you sustain,
I
order so shall you awake,
I
hail so are you confided,
I
arouse so are you so melodious,
I
love,I hate,I stare,I fight,I ponder,
So
tell me if you can be existent outside of me?
As
I am the bearer,
I
wear you underneath my skin,
If
you think I need any one,
Then
u should know I am alone and I am whole.
My
life full of vicissitudes,
You
were the one to be blamed for,
Oh!damn!how
can u show tantrums
Throw
attitudes?
You
put me on thorns
Inception
was a dreaded nightmare,
You
locked me in the darkest zone,
I
cried,I murmured,became numb and cold,
How
can you be so crude?
On
the days of rains,
On
the days of heavens,
You
never touched me on aisles,
You
didn't kiss me on cheeks,
You
didn't cuddle me when
I
was frozen,
Now
on the nick of time,
On
the spark of rebell ,
I
declared a war with you
Oh
lord I declared an identity war with you,
Causality
is deductive,
You
are not anymore seductive,
I
have grown an empiricist,
Your
fellows are liars and they are practising cowardice,
Oh!my
god,I didn't ask for help,
I
didn't shout,I didn't go out into other realms,
I
stayed,actually my victory prevailed there
With
my soul on that dark ground,
Can
you remember me crying loud
I
know you miss my screams,
Scrambling,
scratches,scars,
Now
after twenty years how can you
Show
affection-love and compassion,
When
I omitted those words from my
Sensory
motors?
You
proved you are so fool!
Go
feed those greedy owls
With
golden spoon and silver bowls!
I
am outta there!
I
compose on the rainy days
commemorating
you the unknown!
I
don't know you niether do you know me,
We
both met on a rolling yacht,
Come
closer,touch on my spot,
Feel
the warmth, Feel the rage,
Burning
sensations, Lingering anigma,
Unpronounced
words entangling me into
Your
charisma,
You
are a prism light to me,
You
are a sheer desire,hope-whale-sea,
I
want to approach you by sailing on your channel,
Come
closer and hear the missed beats oh
You
are such a cosy mist!
Come
closer today touch me like rain drops,
Let
me feel every inch of you,
Today
I want to write a poem about you,
If
you are a shining sun I want to be
Your
rising moon,
Raise
me up,hold me,I am falling catch me,
But
your words save me,come closer you
The
mighty unknown!
What's
right what's wrong,
I
am in a dillema,I am confused,
You
may come closer I might flee,
You
may watch me,I might hide,
I
am afraid,don't push me on my limits,
Don't
see me like this way,don't show me affection,
Cause
I will fall for you and I don't want to fall again,
Here
in this era I myself am a big question mark,
Who
says love is loved once,it's a miracle,
Everytime
I see you I love you from a distance,
I
don't have the courage,I am not outspoken,
You
are so big,I am in the cradle,
You
know how to play while I am learning,
You
have your regime Whilst I am searching,
You
have your identity,I am in crisis,
Hey,you
can be a legend of my dreams,
I
can preach your style everywhere,
Teach
me what you know,show me
What
you have got,
Hold
me with all your strength,
I
want to be fragile like feathers in your arms.
Hey,
the unknown, recognise me?
I
am the one conforming you!
Negotiation
Negotiation
was needed,
Now
I am firm in my decision,
I
was in dillema-that is now all cleared,
You
and me are meant to be apart!
No
compatibility! No compassion!
You
and me were tied on the need of demand!
A
contractual relation!
I
can not be weak,
I
can not be a fool,
You
can not control me,
You
dimwit! What a waste of time and loss!
I
do not think about society and do not need
any
approval,
You
can not threat me any of its obligations!
As
always was I alone I do not fear to be more lonelier,
As
I always faced hurdles I do not mind to face more,
I
love challenges and breaking with you is not less than
A
challenge cause this time I will break a damn strong
Protocol!
I
already did it to be with you-breaking protocol,
Now
you lead me to destruct more,
Vulnerable
as I always was in risk and now
Risk
does not matter,
I
do not care to be defamed!
As
my logic of fame is something beyond!
No
you will not see me sorry or weak like others,
Why
did you ever forget that you didn't love a commoner?
I
am not like anybody else, I am different but you are indifferent,
this
indifference leads me to pain that I can not bear!
I
should have known stars should be involved
in
a piracy of our dreams and destination,
Stars
should not fall in land as human can crash it too
and
make it furniture!
No
apology,No forgiveness,
I
demand freedom!
Burden
I
can hide better,
My
face is not my surface,
Do
not try to read between the lines,
I
can rejoice and cry all together,
Choosing
to show you my one side!
Depending
on your character!
This
game no one plays better,
Smiling
outside,crying inside,
Lost
in thoughts,but still in action,
Still
focusing on you what you have to say,
Because
no one ever had to try to hear me out,
To
reach me,to carry my burden there,
Ah,my
frustration!
A
losing consideration!
Awful
pathetic consolidation!
I
see you,I touch you through your unsaid words
Because
nobody saw me with compassion,
I've
always seen hatred,jeolousy and jeopardy
In
their eyes,
Nobody
touched me with a serene heart,
As
I shall now come across to see the better!
As
I shall stop punishing me,
This
is not my fault!
My
burdens of being nothing!
My
burdens of having none!
My
burdens of getting trickery!
Tik
tok!
Time
lies,so does peoples action,
Why
do I need to be so sure of what I do
And
say?
Why
do I need to follow caution when they do not
go
by any rules of hurting me always!
This
is zero,
A
sum of total Zero,
Don't
try to act a hero
Infront
of me because I know you
and
I do not love you anymore!!!
I
can hear out my heartbeat
So
fast;So loud ,
As
if it was in a race and a cute
Lil
ponytail pacer,
I
wanted to win,
But
it doesn't want to be with me anymore,
I
guess I'll have to leave,
My
heart is aching in pain,
I've
cut down all the pains,
But
still once its pierced, it is always stitched!
My
heart is not listening to me as if it
belongs to another!
It
doesn't show me obedience,
As
if I am not the owner!
Am
I too bad that it wants to leave me behind?
Am
I too insecure to keep my heart safe?
My
wealth!
What
else do I have except these?
No
asset!
No
fame!
No
kin!
To
share my heart with!
It's
been sore living alone,
It's
been demanding to make love,
Getting
warmth,
Oh,
I am so cold!
I
am numb!
Breath
into me,
Save
me my lord;
No
I do not need a spouse,
Just
a heart that belongs to my damaged heart,
Who
can heal my heart and love it too!
Complementary.
You and I are
opposites,
You are rational, I am
emotional,
We are complementary,
Let's celebrate a
companionship for a century,
Let's die together and
walk shoulder in shoulder to our cemetery!
Destiny
is hard to neglect,
It
is my reckoning stars
That
always makes me vulnerable,
stares
me into cross-connection!
The
ill lot that puts me in danger,
Stained
luck and begotten fortune
That
drags me to the evil!
How
can my heart belong to a deadly eagle?
How
can I not be able to see the preface?
How
can I not free myself from its clutches?
How
can I be dependent on a monster?
I
depicted him as an angel,
I
carried him as camelia
But
alas!he was a shrewd chameleon!
Now
I am trapped!
Utmostly
core to bottom,
Head
to toe,
River
to ocean,
Hill
to rocks and mountain,
Taking
me to the drowning fountain,
I
lived a life so misleading, so careless!
I
was born into a pavilion,
I
thought it was paradise,
But
as usual it was a lost paradise,
I
was an outcast for no reason,
Maybe
they could not bear my light,
Hence
being captured in my own resonating light!
Doomed
into the dark!
I
can not live with you nor can I leave you!
So
many commitments!
What
shall I do?
Where
should I go?
I
wish for subsistence,
I
wish for a residence,
I
wish for some pure souls in my sphere,
So
that I can forget you for good monster!
But,
I can’t and that’s the losing point,
Because,
the heart loses to the societal chain,
There
is no value of your wellbeing here.
Destiny
is scripted and re-scripted by society.
Feeling
of death arises
When
you think you have none,
Feeling
of mourn shouts out of
Your
head when you feel you are all alone,
I
discovered love in two terms,
Love
as a need,
And,
love as an obligation,
You
need love-
When
you are sorrounded by death, fear and illusion,
Fakeness
and loneliness,
Oh
you can act to be hard!
But
you love because you do not
have
an option,
You
love because you can not stay alone
any
longer,
Not
more than a week,a month or a year,
You
find gems and collect mirror,
Mirror
of self!
Oh
I am crying to see my other self!
What
is it?
Who
is it?
I
will be lost,come sooner my duplicate!
Battle
with heart.
My
battle with my heart is
ongoing,
You
can not save me any more,
Cause
I am dying,
You
only broke my heart into pieces,
Now
I live with my scattered heart
and
it stops beating!
I
stop breathing!
I
am burning inside,
Don't
you see this pain?
I
was struggling,
I
was always in risk,
None
of you saved me
Instead
pushed me into death,
Now
I am a dead person wavering in a shell,
I
will explain my life and deeds and untold
Stories
what I hide,
I
will not cover myself,
Cause
I can see I am dying!
I
tried to kill myself once,second and thrice,
Oh
how pity!I did not die!
You
tried to kill me hundred and thousands of
times,
Oh
you can still see me,
How
do I survive?!
Fallen
angels and demons
Shout
for democracy
Inside
me,
Wrecking
souls collapse,
Calling
all in fame,
Shall
I join???
My
art is nothing but a beauty of nothingness!
My
story is unheard so shall I open it!
My
skill is full of reluctance and negligence,
My
mind is full of pain,sorrows and cowardice
I
have faced,
Oh
I make you brave,
I
encourage you to fight
Because
I am dead!
I
could've fought more well!
I
couldn't protect myself from the evil
Destiny
its too hard to cope with,
I
couldn't say what I should've said,
I
couldn't show them what I should've shown,
I
couldn't live the life what I aspired for,
couldn't
receive the love that I bestowed upon,
My
naive shadows!
My
bravo fears!
I
condemned,I locked on those scary wounds
and
despair into my heart,
Now
my heart is closed!
Oh
Save me my God;
I
want some light!
I
do not want this gloomyness
This
makes me ill,
I
feel scared,
Once
again take me your shrine,
Once
again take me to my mother’s lap,
I
want to crawl back into the womb,
I
want to come out of my cocoon
Fresh
and innocent,
Oh
where my innocence hides?
Locked
in a treasure,
Oh
I feel like drowning.
My
thoughts kills me everytime,
Why
I have to be different?
Can't
I seek help?
Oh!I
can not be strong
I
am full of fakeness acting rough,
Inside
I am so soft delicate!
You
hurt me so well!
You
know me better than anyone else!
So
you use trickery to manipulate me
Using
my goodness, you pretend,
I
was so lost in your charm of pretence !
I
wish I could never understand your
capability
of loosening and controlling me,
This
far I've always abide by your foresaken
Norms
and regulations,
Oh
you are so brilliant!
You
could make me do anything by your
Manipulation,
I
thought it was my dream,
My
thoughts,
My
residence,
My
belongings,
But
now I understand that I stand to nowhere!
This
time I fall so hard,
I
do not need your hand,
I
can save myself,
Repair
my broken heart,
This
is not new,I can rise from ashes,
This
is completely new because
Now
I focus on something else!
My
fake smile,
My
torn out pages,
My
lost poems,
My
lost aura,
Lost
ones and lost memories,
I
write in commemoration,
I
write for salvation,
I
write for punishment,
I
write for litigation,
An
untold story of Arbitration,
Feudal
war and navigation!
War
between two countries,
Two
nations,
War
between two cultures and
Many
peoples!
All
die,All crashed through surfaces,
All
lost in the prestigious glorification!
So
did I for a long time!
So
did I rip my part and left behind!
I
can remember so well,
I
can not forget though I seem to be forgetful!
No
I have to describe!
Explain
my part before it is too late!
Don't
you hear me?
Don't
you see?
Don't
you have eyes when you claim to know everything?
Can't
you recall how you betrayed me,
Can't
you specify?
If
I doom so shall you,
Beware!
If
I die my words will tangle you as
an
unnamed diplomat!
I
am a worrior, I am a fighter,
I
survived death,
I
can encourage myself,
I
am a loser,I lose everything,
I
know to distribute whatever I get!
Fool!Fool!Fool!
Foul!Foul!Foul!
All
part of me!
All
part of you-you stink!
Take
your ass back to the garbage,
From
where you swine came from!
I
do not want to go with you,
I
deny to cohabit ,
I
deny to live with your memories and
Social
burdens!
I
can not deny my self-esteem!
I
can not deny my pity ness,
That
I am scorned out!
I
can not be relieved until
I
found a path breaking result,
Until
I can sway away all the fears,
Until
I can do something for me for sure!
Matriarch
You are a matriarch-
That, I could never win
or compete against!
I never wished to!
Mother, you are a
figure-
That, I could never
contemplate or configure out though!
You are a match-
That I never intend to
pretend though!
You were my heaven that
left me into a turmoil
and distress in the
midway, I could never break the faulty structure you made for a century though!
You are
incomprehensible, insensible and inhumane -because, you know only in this way
power can remain in your hands though!
For not letting to slip
away the authority within you,
You left all your
caress and loving concerns behind just to control!"
Ah, matriarch I wish
you were just a mother not a system to us,
I wish you were just a
human not a power structure!
Oh, matriarch, I wish
you were only a doting mother but not the ruler,
I wish you were only a
caring guardian but not the authoritarian, not at least an authority for me to
be a rebellion!
In this tug of war, I
keep breaking myself and move further and further away!
Alas! Matriarch in the
absence of patriarch is equally harmful- and there's no emancipation!
No freedom and no
equity in both-
The patriarchy and The
matriarchy system-
What a loosing
apparatus and frustrating system!
See
me
I
can't see you hurting,
I
don't know why I am feeling this,
I
can feel your wounds and scars,
I
can touch you without touching you
through
your words,
I
can get into you diving in your eyes,
I
can penetrate into your heart as I feel
My
heart jumping and pausing all along with you,
I
can feel that you also think,carass about me,
I
do not know the law of attraction,
Because
if I knew it then you probably couldn't
attract
me or most significantly affecting me,
Because
you are the one whom I need to cuddle,
Because
I can see ages disappearing,
Because
I can see transcendence and evolution,
Because
I can see something binding us so strong
That
none of us or anyone could ever think of,
I
feel secure with you though I do not know you,
I
can sense in my inner sight about you that you are right!
I
have a gut feeling and intuition,my thoughts don't lie to me,
I
haven’t seen anything like you,
you
are that particular revolt
to
me that I want to win!!
Come
talk to me the mighty unknown,
I
can heal you,breath into you,
Bring
back to life,
You
can be real,
I
will be commited
But
my commitment will be hidden like always,
You
be the comet I'll be your sparkle,
I
be the ray of lights,you be the tourchbearer,
Come
close to me as I can show you a different world
That
you haven't seen for ages!!
My
works,my passion
All
are a lost gamble,
What
I didn't get,
What
I didn't attain,
What
I didn't mention!
Attention!Attention!Attention!
I
am craving to meet my grave,
Do
not come into my funeral,
Do
not pray for me,
Do
not call upon my name,
Because
it is you people
Murdered
me,I am gone!
I
can not think anymore!
I
do not have that capability
to
sustain,
To
choose a war,
An
uneven trade of my poor heart,
It
can not work!
My
whimming whispers,
My
cries,My laugh,
You
have shrewdly ignored it,
Then
why do you need my focus now?
My
baby heart!It is so full of pain!
I
can not pour it love!
It
is filled with poison!
I
need petels,I need swords,
To
adorn my bleeding heart,
It
is screaming;
My
increasing thirst,
Thirsty
as I always was!
How
can you not see me for
so
long?!
How
can I be so far away
From
everything and everyone?
Ah!Alienation!
Ah!Censorship!
I've
ruined my heart!
Cut
it,divided it,decieved it,
Now
all I want is deliverance,
Delegation
and no more debate!
I
am tired!
Oh
my forgiving nature
Why
are you so virulent?
Oh
my wisdom why do you cry
For
coming out?
Or
do you sense that you will
Diminish
with me for once and all!
I
am dying,
I
am losing,
Am
I too lost?
Am
I too weak to be saved?
Or
too audacious to live?
Unguided
angels,uncontrolled spirits,
Come
to my heart!
I
am calling you to make a contract!
Forgive
me,Bring me my love back,
I
want to be loved,
My
heart shall not crash!
Old
or new show me paths,
I
can not remember any ally,
I
can not climb the ladder by shortcut!
Bring
me back to life,
I
want to live,I do not want to die!
I
can feel it,
I
can sense it coming over,
I
can breath in what I've menifested on,
I
can see what I've thought of,
I
can feel that we were to meet up,
I
found a reason that where we are,
I
term it that we are destined to meet each other,
Through
ages,through distances,through cycles,
Upheavals,mysteries
and miscommunications
Yes
we were not meant to be together but
I
don't know why I am sure of it that you are my destiny,
I
mean it to be meant together!
There
is no free will, you get to choose within the structural parameters, you get
whatever the structural boundary allows you to get! But, when you ditch the
structures and its boundary, you may achieve something but again you get
involved into another structural boundary and usually get whatsoever this
new structure allows you to have! That's it! Nothing new or charming! That's
patterned and regulated.
Everyone's
life is a reflection of their belief systems! As a deterministic I believe
in the processes! Processes that shapes you, processes by which you interpret
your world!
Someday
the pain in my heart will erase but I think how?!
Spilling
tears rolled down on rosy cheeks won't heal the pain..!
The
heart is beaten down so harsh!
It
is felt like a stone now- unbreakable!
The
version of me yesterday asks ,
Can
I smile widely in an open heart now?!
Time
has raised me up,
Now,
it is telling me to deal with the world,
I
am an adult of me now,
The
child of the inner me from yesterday asks,
Do
you feel hurt now?!
Where
do you find comfort?
The
child inside me hugs today's version of me tightly
and
says, It is okay dear!
Time
has raised you,
You
are grown up now but the pain?!
Spilling
tears won't ease it!
So
deeply wounded you were!
The
child inside me shrugs and consoles
today's
me,
Me
from yesterday notifies me,
Yesterday
is gone, dear. You are okay now!
Someday
you can smile full full-hearted
Someday
the pain stuck in your hurt will be gone!
Conflicts
are necessary in life,because only conflicts and struggles causes revolt that
brings ultimate change-either for good or for bad! But,here again, change is
inevitable whatever the consequences shall be!
Simultaneously
I
hide my scars so well
That
my scars look a gesture on my body
and
a symbol in my soul,
I
hide my scars so well,
cause
I own it as a part of life,
Indeed,
it is my dearest ringing bell,
It
alerts me when to rise from the ashes
and
for not once blink my eyelashes,
In
the brink of the wet-teary jowl!
Oh,
Yes, I wear my scars like a crown,
Because
every great thing hides an ugly slur,
That
can't be drained but owned like a tint of paint,
that's so wishfully dreadful
and
at the time beautiful!!
You
say, You know me!
But
the fact is, you know me the parts I allow you to know about me dear!
Watch
closely, as now I return the favour!
I
forgot to mention, I am a cold stone!
Your
heat could not melt me!
Revenge!
What's that?!
My
revenge for you is that I forgot you completely,
As
if you never existed!
Ouch!!
Isn't that painful?!
Even
an ant is existent l but you aren’t!
Atoms
also speak a ton but you don't!
Because
you are a 'No matter' in my sense of world!
Now,
that's where you stand- in seclusion:
that
couldn’t engage with my thoughts!
Justification
Sorry
but I have no insecurities to share with you and let you be my bossom;
for
you could be the supplier of your validations and your own speculations!
Any
predictions?! That too about me?!
Hey,
you!
I
am unpredictable!
Sorry
but no sorry,
I
do not need your validations!
So
do not intrude into my privacy and make a violation!!
you
misread me and misrepresented me,
That's
was your miscalculation!
I
do not follow any obstruction,
And,
will not allow any,that's my determination!
Thanks
but no thanks, I know the universe and myself,
I need no extermination!
Or
any kinds of explanation!
I
am not vindictive and will not allow any kind of vindication!
You
can be off with your own insecured agendas!
Indeed
you are privileged, so you can hear my voice!
Here,
comes a valid question,
To
hear my part of story, who has gained the right?!
By
choosing to opinionate my doctrines openly,
Publishing
my thoughts on wide range,
I
am condemned to all kinds of judgements,
Thus,
on my lengthy on going journey,here,
follows
some Lowly sarcasms.
Why
I love you
I
love you because you have understood my
'Deep
Psyche' that nobody could!
Only
you could touch my uncomprehending soul,
Those
who enchanted me, whispered in my ears saying
'You are beautiful ' were a lie,
Cause
only you could read between the lines and
mend
the scars behind the unknown!
Now,
I feel the most 'beautiful',
because someone has touched the most
unbearable part of me,
made
it look 'wonderful'.
If
I get the way to enlightenment,
Then will you be able to live your life without me?
Without hugging me and grinding me into your arms,
If
I get enlightened and be lost into the surreal world of leafy green
and
greenness of earthly roots and grasses,
then would you be capable of handling the
chores
and
unreally real worldly terms,
When I will be absently present, Won't this hurt you badly?
Your wonder is wandering around, you could not possess her soul?
But here lies the body, here lies the light
But the Prisma is somewhere alone!
Bared we are discover naked truth!
Truth
of splendor,truth of perfections and imperfections,
And joy of being incorrect ,untruth!
Enlightenment is here in this beauty of earthly love,
Only the way to superseded into some higher aura,
By y,ou I climb into that spectral moonshine
Where you and I are throned into the shrine,
Yet we revolve for one hundred and thousand of years,
Yet
we rejoin after years to get high into that realm
of
disappearance and delve into the absolute freedom.
To me it is real or unreal or simultaneously both,
To you it is may be somewhat you know better,
I
am not in a position to define, To me here is enlightenment,
I do not need to sink into the lonely river,
better I dive deep into the tight grips of your arms.
Here is no desire-Peace.
And no going further-No unrest,
No more distance from soul.
It is here an absolute contentment.
Home
I
am building a home in a wrong timing at a wrong direction,
may
be building a castle in breeze at late hours!
I
am singing a song but those are foreign to me, I will sing no more!
My
unfulfilled desires, let it blossom on the bossom of this greeny earth,
Let
it bloom like a grass on the other dimension!
I
am just a distant builder, I build a home in you,
yes,
I am thirsty, But, just like a stormy wind you arive in the destitution of sun!
In
front of you, I fall like fallen leaves,
You
break my home!
As
if you are my home
I
am making in late hours.
Noontime
song seems to be a bit foreign here.
We
would better not sing those.
Rather
let me put my unfulfilled dreams
on
the lovely chest of the world
and
say to them, ` you grow as some green grasses
on
the lap of another time on the other world where inhibited love is justified.
I
am only an apathetic home maker
who
think you a home and
take
care of it all the time.
But
a few scenes are growing here
for
who’s thirst I dont know
and
intrigued by those intrigue
you
stir up like a storm in the broken sunshine
Like
a leaf, I turn yellow and fall.
Unity
Unity
of great minds,
Can
be like a bomb blast,
A
blast of thoughts,
Flowing
in all kinds!!
I
am intoxicated in your love,
Enchanted
though not misguided in your life,
Do
you mind?!
Whimsical
I
am all focused and involved only into you,
And,
my shattered pieces all one by one confronted by you,
knows
me deeper than anything else,
Deeper
than the deeper sea,
Deeper
than the ocean blue sky,
Deeper
than the deadly rock and skyscraper!
I
am immersed into you,
In
the whimsical of pain and pleasure,
All
with you, drowned in your melo-drama,
Now,
tell me my love, what can I do?!
I
break myself by breaking you but I had to break myself always to be with
you!!
A story of loyalty
I am loyal to you for decades and those sincerities can't be put
on facades.
I've been with you in all
thick and thins,
I've wandered with you in those dreadful rocky mountains and
slippery expedients!
So, that was my part of story.
But, I forgot, You have a version of your own part in the
storyline too!
Once in a chitchat with your so called friends actually aka foes
in a lavish dine,
I overheard you
saying,
"Ugh, she's a loyal bitch ! Forever, barking but not
biting, a docile creature
that only circulates around its master, she is just a circle, I
am the center of it!"
Really?!
It seems so! Here I want to rewrite the story and there's a plot
twist,
"If you think me a loyal dog, I will bite you if you are
caught of security,
But, if you think me a loyal baby tigress, I will rip you apart
before you even start crawling!"
Moral of the story is," Never, doubt my loyalty and never
ever look down to it,
Don't take my grudges for granted, I make every penny
count,don't forget it!
Urban City and Urban Glam
Urban city and urban glam,
We wake to see a gloomy dam,
Dam of burdens and high hopes and fall downs,
We wake to hear moonsoon rain and think
Sky is also pouring down to our pain!
Urban City and Urban glam,
We wake up with unfulfilled acts,
Only to see deep down to doom, to merge,
To outlive our own dreams and parts and
Feel inexistent while still existing on this land!
Urban City and Urban glam!
You put a sham on my face!
Found solace in solitude,
My inner voice speaks to me,
My soul sings lullaby to me daily,
My heart pours devotion to myself,
Finally, I have found peace with myself
and stopped conquering the world,
Because it is the world inside that one has
To conquer.
It is the reign inside that one has to sustain,
It is the wisdom inside that one has to hear,
It is the solace in solitude that makes solitariness
great ever after.
Endless journey begins here.
You are anything and nothing-at the same time!
The nihilistic cage is untied!
Deeply in wound you cry in pain and agony,
Deeply in wound your eyes shed blood not tears,
Deeply in wound you are so wounded,
Still the world expects you to give them,
Still the world expects you to care for them,
Still the cruel world wants to snatch anything and
everything little you have!
Still the mean world wants you to crawl in pain,
Still this profane materialistic world wants you to
materialise,objectify and brand you in
The same skin they are just like a snake.
Deeply so wounded you are that you fail to
Recognise whom to trust and whom not to trust,
Deeply in wound, you forget that there is none so
pure as your heart that knows to love.
You have never met a heart so pure,
That can pour love.
That's why you are deeply in wound,
So wounded you are!
Deeply you are so wounded that you don't know
Anymore how to love!
Illusion of the The Illusionist.
Whole my life was a walk of illusion,
Slowly I walked out from the dream into reality
Just like dew drops fall out from moist mist!
Whole my life I've been delusional just like a bubble,
It seems it is there but at the end with a loud clap,it busted
into nothingness!
Just like a bubble we are inclined into doing things just to
prove we are existent!
We exist to act and act ultimately to feel numb
and nothingness!
Nothingness at the core of heart and blink of eye,
we see illusional dimensions!
Don't get into dilemma, Don't be delusional!
Everything comes into the point of nothingness!
Hail the nothingness cause it brings one to life
from a drop to infinity and definitely its spontaneity will
overcome all the shadows,
Cause all shadows unite into blackouts-into
nothingness!
You are my destiny!
We needed just little bit of effort,little bit of maturity!
And here we are as a mutiny!
Opposite poles still attract each other like a magnetic is our
collaboration,
our wonderful company!
Time flies with you like feathers and again
Time stops with you like a storm stops everything, a cyclone!
You and I are rough calamity!
Fire can not replace fire as it ignites more fire!
Abundance of sparkle!
You and I are a magnitude! A disaster!
Still our unconditional love for each other wins
the battle, earthquake!
You are my destiny, I am a calamity, a mutiny,
Please stop this whirlwind of airstrikes and explosion!
Be my gentle breeze that blows above the pink sky and flows over
grey rivers!
Be my gaslight, let me burn the bridges that keep us
separate,
Be my waves so that I might take you further with me into
The wonderland, into a dream!
Be my courage so that I can break all the stereotypes!
Be my hobby,my culture,my practice and passion and
Let me solidify my loyalty for you,
Build my trust like an unshakable fortress,
Cause you are my destiny!
You are my destiny and I love you,
I can not think anything beyond you,
You are my horizon where all thoughts ignite,
You are a work of both magic and despair!
I hate you cause I love you so much!
I hate you cause I loved you so much!
And we hurt each other like stone falls and
Burn each other like hell fire,
Welcome to the hell of lifetime,
Here you and I burn in each others arm forever and
forever!
We break each other and then shape each other into newer forms,
newer lifetime like a soft clay or sediment!
You are a rollercoaster of my sentiments,
And entire range of destruction just to be born again and be
alive!
Like a Phoenix we rise from ashes and build somber clad!
Cause you are my destiny!!!
I am your destination, you emerge into me!
Emerge into me I am a whirlpool of eternity!
Catch me before I am lost into infinity!
Find me there and walk with me on the margins of
shadows of yours that I show you cause I am your mirror!
I am your reflection whatever you do cause I am your mirror!
And you are my destiny!
Don't provoke me to be a rebel, a mutiny!
Don't you mess with my psyche, you psycho!
Remember my company like you always do,
Never forget my fragrance, cause we are our own elegance,
And make our love legendary!
You are my syndrome, I am your symptom,
I am your addiction,you are my concoction!
We are in a heaven-like detention!
But detention is not cure,it is a condition!
Hey,you!
Do you admit what a red rose signifies?!its attraction?!
It is its beauty but don't adore,don't succumb to beauty,
Cause all beauty hides untold scars,
Dangers!
Don't objectify that beauty if you can't feel the numbness of
losing it and
afford to undertake
risk,
Risk of losing yourself in order to adore a perspective,
Risk of losing yourself to forget uneven unhealed past
and mess with each others unreasoned reasons,
Rise like a sun as it stands alone and share its light to entire
universe,
And also to the epitome of beauty-the moon and stars,
Be a sun that sets and rises again and again and again!
If a system lost,don't emerge into the system,
Create a new world of yours,a new paradigm,a new perspective, a
new system!
Rise above the chaos that beholds your soul to unleash,
to uprise,towards ultimate self-seekingness-
self- realization and actualization is a joy!
A joy of discovery,
A joy of unfinished tales!
You want to hear those tales, babe?!
Let's meet on the end of the world-
where you and I share a common abode!
Death!
Wholesome and great!
Fear the fury,Fury of greatness!
Sometimes a coach, other times a learner,
but always an observer!
what can you see in my eyes??!
It is a valid question with invalid answers,
Well partner, I want to hear a correct one!
please keep trying!
Running...running from the chaos that you own,
Running from self and diminishing it to conquer what?!
Inner demons or scars?!
Ambition is what but an illusion,
Abrupt elimination of past,
That you want to replace with a better future!
Void in self and void in life, you want to fill those
up with glorious acts-you want to prove,
You are seen, you are heard of and you are felt,
Accepted and receiving love,
Until the time you discover that whenever you are
giving you receive what you want or what you don't want!
Despair! Despair of your existence once,
You lose the capability of what and who you are!
Hail the inner-voice!
The third eye or intuition.
It never lies.
Being a Con does not make you intelligent,
Tricking people does not give you power,
In this foolish world tricksters are given privilege,
Con artist are made intellectuals,
And fraudulent are thought to be master!
Open your eyes!
Open your eyes!
Oh,You foolish!
Tricksters will always be a garbage and
They will bargain for garbages!
Those who have abundance of something don't know the value of
it,
Those who have abundance of wealth, intellect or love do not
know how to use it!
It just flows!
Flows like a river without any direction until it is submerged
into the ocean.
Until it looses its identity and fades away!
Those who have abundance of anything are foolish of all, cause
they do not know how to keep it.
Those who have abundance of anything,
They do not know what sacrifice is.
What letting go and giving is,
What building is from the ashes, What ground zero means!
They do not know what basement means!
Those who have abundance in anything, they only know how to
measure the height but do not know how the height is gained, how to climb
it!
Foul are those who Don't know what abundance means and are not
thankful of what they own in plenty is!
Practicing capitalism with
spiritualism...
Exercise spirituality over liberalism,
Actually practice capitalism with spiritualism!
Then only can humanity flourish!
But, agency of both of these ideologies-
does not they have a continual clash on?!
There can be no middle-ground and business does not know
humanism!
Does spirituality know profanity and profit gaining
Mechanism?
And if they too are merged,
Then comes social business,
Business with socialism!
Duh, what a joke!
Underneath lurks clutches of capitalism!
Spirituality rots there, stinks humanism!
But, who does anything for free?!
Oh, you free man, ask yourself a question and do
Pity on yourself,
Are you a free-man?!
Does economic slavery makes you independent?!
Or, just you are another slave to system for its own
beneficiaries?!
Are you truely independent?!
comprehension!ing into more poverty and daily necessities,
For everything is now institutionalized and not free of,
even the breath you take, you have to count cash for, ugh!
Modern pathology!
Oxygen saturation and many more!
What makes a human being individual?
What makes him truely free and not biased?!
Aren’t you and me both the production of system?!
Alive to be Alike?!
Influenced and not so influenced!
What it is to be not so influenced?!
Nothingness!!
Everything turns out to be nothing!
Nothingness turns out to be everything,
It is just a differentiation of comprehension.
Emotional slavery derives from economic slavery,
Economic slavery produces emotional dependency,
But, When freed from economic hardships,
can man earn slight independence from certain people,
place,situation or context but not out of the whole broader system that will
always want you to be a slave,
You are free from one person but slave to another,
Now,that's the system.
However, Wise are those who don’t sell emotion for economy, or
does not
ponder upon economy so much, give it so value,
Do not surrender to economic conditions and let it overpower
you, your supposition!
For achieving great emotional well-being we earn money,
We tend to think we can buy intangible things with money and
higher economic status!
Nuts you are! And so wrong you are!
Do not sell or live your emotions for economic conditions, to
make it better or worsen it!
It is merely just a condition not an in-born situation!
And, success should not be measured with the given parameter but
should come out from your own introspection!!
Bravo!
Go on a journey of infinite non-identification!
thought.
And faith builds you,
Does not destructs you,
Yes it can put you in trials and tribulations,
It can test you!
To strengthen more and to fill the loopholes and gaps with more
compassion and kindness!
Only faith in something can uplift you and take
You to the direction of ultimate progression whatever was meant
for you.
Despise once and be doubtful about your existence,
You loose the sight of what you are holding tight!
It is a failed operation and you are a failure,
Failure for you not to understand and comprehend the meaning of
a blessing,
You wear an attire of misdiagnosis,
You take pills of wrong pathology,
You are medicated for false ailment,
You are hospitalized(jailed) for no reason,
In your own thoughts for having those thoughts,
Thoughts are the measure of what you are doing,
Beware of what you think and what you are going to
believe,
It may be just a response or trigger.
Not your whole thought,existence and being!
If it was not for God,
Would I be able to accept you as mine-my
Part ever?!
If it was not for God,
Would I make you my soul-tie?!
A part of my soul and let it be filtered?!
If it was not for God,
Would I ever be able to find solace and
restore faith and order?!
By attempting to love you and again falling in love,
I found my inner-God in harmony and pleased,
Better to be a God-pleaser than to be a people-pleaser!
Hence, I will say my love for you is a roadmap
Towards the devotion of God-under construction and
rebuilding-inner-faith and freedom!
Devoted to God and higher spirits can make you
Truely independent, cause then you know what are the basics and
urgent needs,
For God is the God of order!
And, order is what makes patterns and incidents
meaningful!
Everything is predestined but it is a free will to
Understand the destiny and work upon!
Oh, you fraudulent, fear the wrath of GOD!
Your eyes is the doorway to spirituality,
Also your eyes is the doorway to corruption and a hell for
eternity!
Look what you shall look and find serenity,
Look what you can look upon that is holy!
Look what you are permitted to see!
Look what you are limited to and know your boundary!
Because what you see and want to see,
Makes desire and desire further makes you act
And takes you to that direction,
As the eyes idealizes what you see!
Make a deal with your eyes, cover it with a lid,
Cause your footsteps depends on it!
Those who think themselves of god,
Act like one,
Those who claims the throne,
Believe that they deserve all the accolades and can create
chaos.
Those who think themselves godly,
They can overpower and seize all the rights-
thinks it to be their inherited right to domineer,
Domination-they think it as a virtue to act upon.
Those who does not oblige by God becomes the deviant version of
God-The evil,
And is devoid of its very own essence-The inner-God.
God is the God of order
If it was not for God,
Would I be able to accept you as mine-my
Part ever?!
If it was not for God,
Would I make you my soul-tie?!
A part of my soul and let it be filtered?!
If it was not for God,
Would I ever be able to find solace and
restore faith and order?!
By attempting to love you and again falling in love,
I found my inner-God in harmony and pleased,
Better to be a God-pleaser than to be a people-pleaser!
Hence, I will say my love for you is a roadmap
Towards the devotion of God-under construction and
rebuilding-inner-faith and freedom!
Devoted to God and higher spirits can make you
Truely independent, cause then you know what are the basics and
urgent needs,
For God is the God of order!
And, order is what makes patterns and incidents
meaningful!
Everything is predestined but it is a free will to
Understand the destiny and work upon!
Oh, you fraudulent, fear the wrath of GOD!
Born on the first of November 1998
in UAE, Bangladesh, Farheen Akter Bhuian is a 24-year-old young poet. Her roots
are in Chittagong, Bangladesh. She has written thousands of poems, both in her
mother language Bangla and English, from a young age and published her poems in
several magazines, newspapers, blogs, and anthologies.
Currently, she is studying at the University of Dhaka, Department
of Sociology, and doing her post-graduation. She has completed her graduation
from the same university. This is her first published book of English poetry,
and many more to come in the upcoming years. Farheen writes from her passion
for writing, from her innate love and zeal for poetry.
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