Realizations

 Suddenly you realize-

You can't be all at once, 

You can't be everything what your heart desires,

You can not be a sun and be blind,

For you can never see how bright it shines, 

You can not be an academic and a poet, 

You need to choose one, 

For you have a heart of lovers-

Which knows no bounds,

A heart which is so outlawed, 

That doesn’t follow any rules or setbacks,

You finally understand that you can not abide by the strict structures for your imagination to flow-

An academic with a heart of poet-

Is living in a 'duality syndrome ', 

You can be both but again your heart denies the harsh rules that the academia makes you follow,

And, go through-

Word limits and data limits, 

You realize you can not be so liminal, 

You were born to illuminate- 

A poet at its heart now restricted with regulations and refutations all along! 

You can not be a lover and a poet all together, 

You merely wanted to be both, 

Life has taught you to be a singular figure like a collapsing star turning into a Blackhole! 

A bohemian spirit to be locked and captured under the strict rules of scriptures,

You fail to follow the known trail,

For you were just pretty little quail squirming for wings-

A curled snail who knows how to crawl in it's own time,

You are a poet forced to fit in the world you never desired, 

Dictate the anecdotes that you don't need to scribble, 

Your heart is an open bible,

With every turning page you show different tides and flows,

A beaming glow-

On saddening crumble! 

You realize you can not master both-

And, if you attempt to do, 

You lose the spark and someone else steals your limelight, 

Or, your seat of vigor,

You terribly try to do both,

But, you are at the brink of collapse, 

A fall down, possibly, a break and you lose yourself again in the bad motion, 

Bad monsoon and bad weather-

You tremble,

No you are not successful, 

Not a successful academic, not a successful lover not a successful poet,

You lose everything, 

All at once or one by one for only trying to hard to keep everything in check, 

Ultimately, nothing remains in your hands!

You are an accumulation of a big zero!

You realize you can not be lucky always!

Some where someone is born with a silver spoon and they are doing it alright, 

And, here you are lost in a wander land, 

Without any shelter or shade,

You bleed inside-

You cannot scream lest your echo would haunt you!

And, somewhere someone is stealing your voice and you cannot do anything  about it, 

You were just born to mellow-

To shine from a distance-

Too bleak to be noticed like a distant stallion-

Never to be traced back from the station! 

©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 

Time Frame: 10 pm, 2025.

MIST, Mirpur Cantonment, Dhaka-1216