Childhood Love

 We were just playmates.

Never knowing our futures were tied together for a while,

Those briefest moments were the sweetest,

I still remember your scent,

Your mustache,

Your spectacles,

Dimples in your cheeks,

I still remember the dusky sun set we enjoyed together,

I still remember the kiss.

When sun kissed your tan skin and you sheltered me with your enormous height, 

Six feet two,

Strong and masculine,

I still remember how you took me on lap,

I still remember my childhood first romance,

My authentic love- its so hard to find the right one now,

Cause you were the one and I lost you and never saw you again.

Our paths never crossed,

I miss your smile,

I miss your protective nature- 

I still remember how you used to adore me,

Every swings reminds me of you,

I wish I never left you,

I want my childhood with my sweetheart back,

Now you are gone,

Gone so far away at the atlantas,

I can't find you,

I can't trace your scent anymore still it lingers in my mind and soul,

I still remember how you used to tremble when you held my hands,

When you tried to kiss first,

I still remember our first fight on a flight,

Oh, my mistake, 

My ill fate I lost you in the storm,

Then a monster came in my life,

Little did I knew that there will be a lot of admirers of me but none of them will be a lover with a pure heart,

I wish you never cursed me,

Now loneliness churns me,

Wrapped around the bubbles of my mind- I am lost,

I could never find a love like yours!

Oh, I love you so much,

Nobody can be like you,

You were one of a kind,

Loyal, kind  and funny,

Protective as if a guardian angel,

I had you, then I lost you.

I wish you were my destiny,

I wish oneday I will find you alone-

And then will hug you for eternity. 

If I ever find you alone-

I will never leave your hands not anymore,

I won't be stubborn,

Be your little good girl,

Your princess I promise!

You would give the entire world to me,

And, I chose a monster instead!

Leaving a better breed for a hybrid creature, 

Definitely a lifetime mistake, 

My regretful decision, 

A lifelong mourning! 

In each lifetime,

I will remember your delicacy,

Your trembling advances,

I won't deny- 

I look for you in each person I meet!

I seek the same amount of dedication that you ever had for me!

In each lifetime,

I will long for you,

Your pure love that once I denied!

In each lifetime,

I would like to unite-

With you,

In each lifetime,

I would like to meet you,

One lifetime is short looking for you!

I would get drowned in you if only I ever found you-

Alone like me!

I would kneel down and ask for forgiveness-

We could grow together,

We could build things for eachother,

And, I could love you properly the way you did!

In next lifetime if we ever meet,

I will love you so hard-

I will be only yours I promise!

I would never look away or will let you get far away from my sight - 

You will be my apple of eyes,

My lifeline!

If only destiny promised me one last thing,

I would ask God you from the clutches of other women and heaven!

If only God granted me a favor-

I would ask you in every prayers, 

In silence my love grows for you!

More and more I yearn for you! 

But.... I lost you! 

And, I see no way around to find you!

Where are you?!

In whose shadow?!

Where are you?!

Whose heart now do you mellow?!

I have melt ice age for you, 

But, whom do you make feel safe now?!

Remember the first spot will always be mine,

I was your first and forever kind of vibe!

Players to friends to lovers-

We were everything and everything else we could be,

Our unrequited love remains undone. 

Please, come back!

Come back to me, 

My soul years for your body weight,

Six feet two and a BMI of Eight hundred,

A giant in love is so beautiful, I miss your glance!

I miss the safety and ease I felt with you,

I miss your presence! 

In the bulk and world of tiny tricksters -

Amidst the men with small mentalities,

I miss your softness! 

You were never arrogant!

How could I be so reckless with your love?!

Oh my dear!

My lord forgive me for his sake!

I do not want him to suffer like me, 

Make him happy and abundant! 

Oh, my fellow admirers, 

Never hurt anyone in love, 

Love is not a game, 

Not a simple book chapter!

That once finish a chapter you move to next!

Love is a journal with endless revisions and contours, 

But, you need to stick with the frame,

Tightly, rigorously, religiously you need to maintain!

Cherish that one heart that ever beats for you!

Love is not a game nor a gamble, 

If you loose a genuine love connection, 

You will crave it forever,

You will stay a lonely soul.

That true love?!

It will haunt you!

In every people you will search that one person who ever made you feel like butterfly, 

In every conversation you will replay the memories you had, 

You will long for those moments! 

In every touch you will reminisce that genuine belonging you once had! 

In every face you will search for the same admiration and stare that he used to give away! 

In every person you meet are going to search the same generosity, warmth, comfort and belongingness! 

In every person you meet you will look for him, 

Look for that one person who made you feel otherworldly special, 

You will look for those special treatments! 

But, they won't be the same, 

The finest wine is consumed only once,

That the cheap brands can't replicate!

I wish I prayed for safety and security from evil eyes so that the universe could protect and sustain our childhood love, 

I wish I could grow old with you- 

In your arms, 

Your lap would be my throne! 

I have tasted real love once- 

Thanks to you, 

One lifetime I can spend with it with discernment looking someone like you! 

Who could offer me genuine love as you did, 

But, innocence is found rarely and the innocence you had?! 

I hope it never loses! 

I hope you are still that naive kiddo, 

My six feet two! 

My inner child and the future self was safe with you! 

Oh God, oh my lord, 

How could I miss the bliss of love so much?! 

How could I reject the fountain that you gave me away?

And, how could I exchange love with ambition?! 

That pure fountain it is lost and

That heavenly steam is blocked now! 

How could I stumbled upon and let go of my love?! 

My childhood lover, 

I call you from far distant land of rivers! 

Every  conversation leads me back to you. 

As if our unfinished destiny screams hard to give me a signal....

Somewhere I should hold on to you! 

You are going to come back, 

You will.

I am sure of it. 

Oneday  you will be mine free from the shadows! 

I manifest you!

I once owned you! 

I will oneday have you again-

If not in this world, 

Then in Akhirah, 

I will fulfill my destiny with you.

My love, my dread, my threat, bidding you farewell as I can't locate you, 

Meet you in my death bed! 

I bleed in regrets, 

Oh, Regret, you fall from within me- like  withering flower petals, 

As within so without, 

As taken in so taken out, 

With and with not so, 

With no nectar and blossoms still your fragrance flow! 

Oh, my lady admirers, 

Never let go of your childhood love, 

Love is at its purest form then, 

Later some men will come to take your youth, 

Some for your brains, 

Some for your privileges, 

And, some for easy access, 

But, none will love and comfort you like your childhood true lover, 

Everybody will try to use and succumb you!

None will belong to you, 

Nor will you belong to them! 

It will be a zero sum game of selfishness, 

You can read those intentions from a mile, 

Smell those fleshes from distance, 

And, sense fakeness from around,

Oh, your genuine soul will crave for authenticity for a lifetime and till heavens! 

And, in the future I will teach my daughter -

Hardcore loyalty and passion! 

Not to leave your first love even when there's a storm in the ocean, 

Never leave your Six feet two guy with an eight hundred BMI,

He is strong with a kind mind, he will protect and provide for you as he has a provider mind-set! 

I might be a dumb and a fool, 

I traded love for ambition. 

And, left scars on you! 

Am I fair?! 

Or will I ever be?! 

I don't know- 

My guilty conscience. 

Time Frame: 5.13 pm, MIST, Mirpur Cantonment

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