Red Demons

The life that I have curved was not a straight line.

Yet, I refuse to bend in the mere delights....! 

I deny to walk in the shadows that reigns the darkness.....! 

The life that I have carved.... was never meant to be a straight line,

It bled through midways in broken alleys,

Through unfinished prayers, 

Through storms that wore familiar faces. 

Even in my breakdown I chose familiarity. 

Even in my deathbed I chose humility. 

Even in my darkest night I chose kindness and understanding, for those who shattered me unarmed into pieces. 

Yet, I willfully oppose to kneel before the temporary delights that has no insights, 

Tempting initiations that tend to seduce the weary soul, with every lifting sanctions they orbit around the same axis--- always revolving around -- meaninglessly, without any call. 

I denied the comfort to sit with the shadows lurking beneath my soul, that cherishes the darkness within me- I revolt. 

I revolt.

Against, the red demons inside me. 

I revolt.

For, I have seen what happens when a heart befriends its own doom - it forgets the alphabets of dawn. 

The gloomy sun rays falls. 

Falls slowly...gradually grasping the dew drops. 

So, I walked barefoot, barefaced naked unarmed surrendering to the chaos,

Between humiliation and divinity, 

Between sovereignty and authority, 

Between domination and autonomy, 

Between hunger and restraint, 

Between the wounds of light and embraced the darkness residing within myself and others. 

I have met my demons, they sometimes smile at me, other times they mock me for my inconsistency. 

Inconsistency in urgency, in uncontrollable rage fits and absurdity.

Other times, they laugh at me. 

Astonished as I have greeted other people’s  demon too, 

Who can see through me and provoke my ghosted demons. 

And, after surrendering myself to both heaven and abyss, storm and rain, pleasure and pain, 

I came out victorious. 

I did not return defeated. 

I emerged victorious, 

Not anointed, 

Not unscarred, 

Not unlabeled,

Not untouched holy, 

But, sovereign over the war within me. 

I have stopped fighting with myself and accepted whatever life has to offer me. 

Without questioning the 'ifs' and 'buts', 

I surrender. 

Because, for every 'why' my soul gets shattered,

And, for every 'what ifs' my soul regrets, 

And, for every 'how' my soul remembers,

I can, I will, and I shall prevail.  

Through all outrageous chaos,

Standing tall and strong by my courage,

And, I defeat every demons burning ablaze in red, 

Rosy desires worn out in scary satires,

The demons invites me in the red room of pain.

But, I refuse to walk in and sit with them.

Each time I will defeat the red demons,

Inner and outer,

Mine and theirs.

With uplifting the soul by listening to the soul cries awakened through crises.

I became the spring butterfly who transmuted everything I touched and flied to my abode in peace before its dawn. 

Not a drunkard in my darkness. 

Surrendered but not captured in my shadows.

I have become the sunshine that the red tulip craves, 

I became the flower that the gardener cannot forget! 

©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy 

Time Frame: 1.52 am, Tagar, midnight thoughts.