Caged

 

Again I sit alone with myself, 

Me and my shadows beneath the dim light-

face to face, 

The terror of being alone begins again. 

But, when was the last time I wasn’t?! 

These empty rooms speak volume of that! 

Perhaps, I took association too seriously too close to my heart, 

But, the hearts of people- they are always closed as if enclosed envelops they hand over until the messages are delivered- the letters read over. 

But, individuals always take companionship for convenience, but never for permanence.

Is it too hard to find your tribe?!

Is it too hard to belong?!

To belong to a person?! To a commune?!

The empty chair is still speaking volume. 

I sit here under the dim light,

Me alone with my unreconciled shadows. 

I refute them to reckon the unravelled....! 

My shadows speak loudly,

All these crowds and people in shrouds imitating kindness.... But, at the end of the day they are full of themselves thinking only about themselves. 

All the sounds feels nostalgia, 

All the crowd crowned for nothing, 

Everything so insignificant. 

The chairs were once multiplied, 

But now it ended being single all over again.

We never know when the crowd stops the circus, 

Stop applauding. 

I thought people make room for each other in a new place, but, it is acute isolation that we carry within our souls that seeks only benefits.

What benign benefit it brings to a person till united we subtly calculate,

Companionship is alive until it harvest profits.

Oh, the individualistic society! 

The clowns are all crowned, 

And, the circus goes on... 

The neon light above me is bright

But, the room awfully feels dim, 

The shadows keeps crawling back, 

Larger than my sight,

They walk with me. 

Beside me.

Behind me.

Covering my face,

Crawling back to the front.

The horrors of silence keep turning back to me,

I silently weep. 

I mourn for a house never built, 

For a companion who never stayed, 

For the chirping of the birds that were never mine! 

Sometimes I feel like I am the bird caged in my own dreams. 

Shackled in an untouchable dream,

A dream that I never could reach, 

Everytime I try to reach to her, it flies away to another destination and I keep moving. 

So, again I sit here alone with myself face to face,

Learning the difficult lesson of not expecting everyone to carry what I carry. 

I carry the burden of deep understanding. 

And, I don't want others to suffer the curse of depth like me.

The empty chair reminds me some seats are meant to remain empty, 

Some standing tall alone singly, 

Until someone appears who comes to show the difference of being around you for convenience and being actually there for you. 


©® Farheen Akter Bhuian (Nancy)

Timeframe: 12.30 pm, Lubbock, Texas.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

শিল্পীর মৃত্যু

Image
  কবি ফারহিন আক্তার ভূঁইয়া ন্যান্সি জন্মেছেন মরুভূমির দেশ আমিরাতের ফুজেরার দিব্বা শহরে। বাবা ফজলুল হক ভূঁইয়ার চাকুরি সূত্রে দুবাইতে অবস্থান করেছেন অর্ধেক জীবন। ফারহিন ন্যান্সি , দেশে এসে পড়াশুনা করছেন বর্তমানে , ঢাকা বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ের সমাজবিজ্ঞান বিভাগের স্নাতকোত্তর পর্যায়ে। ছোটবেলা থেকে লেখালেখির সাথে সম্পৃক্ত কবির বেশ কয়টি লেখা কবিতা প্রকাশিত হয়েছে বিভিন্ন পত্র - পত্রিকা , লিটয় ম্যাগাজিনগুলো এবং সংকলনে। ইউএসএইড ২০১৯ - এ সেরা পঞ্চাশ গল্পরচিয়তার মধ্যে স্থান পেয়েছেন। এছাড়াও , বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ের সাহিত্য সাময়িকীসহ , ব্লগে নিয়মিত লেখেন। বাংলা - কবিতা ডটকমে বেশ সরব ছিলেন। দেশ্মাতৃকাকে ভালোবেসে , দেশ ও মাটির মানুষের জন্যে উনি গভীর অন্তর্দৃষ্টি দিয়ে দর্শনসমৃদ্ধ কবিতা রচয়ন করেন। মানুষের মুক্তি ও উত্তরণ তার লেখালেখির উদ্দেশ্য।                   শিল্পীর মৃত্যু                   ...
Read more

Divine Prayer

Image
May Almighty, in his immeasurable capacity and wisdom with his trembling mercy never weave my fate with the melancholic souls those who ever found peace in my ruins, happiness in my helplessness and who took my fractures for pleasures, humbleness as weakness and who lingered at the altar of my griefs and named their fascination and need for my dependence as devotion. May those who adored me most when my voice found no place, my words vague, my tongue wrapped with uncertainty, when my boundaries dissolved like salt in the ocean, never reach me when I become an island.  When my spirit fitted into the molds not meant to hold the vast spirit of mine, when I craved the crumbs of affection, may they stay far away from my belongings and I may stay out of their bounds, out of their reach, may their malicious hands never touch me again. Before that, may their filthy hands cut open and get drained in the guttery drainage.  As there are those people the world is filled with who do not ch...
Read more

Ache in my body

Image
  My lips ache as if they want to be bitten  and smitten in your love and admiration. My hips swirl in ache as if they want to twirl  around you, dance in motion. My heart is in ache as if it doesn't know where   it belongs, to whom, My eyes are in pain, they are numb and sore. They say your eyes are beautiful like droplets of dews, Like diamonds in the sky. But, only a few knows how much tears it shed, Shed like an ocean. I have cried in pain like a destitute losing all her belongings, I have cried in pain like a beggar begging for an alms of love and warmth. I have cried like a Jew, a refugee Muslim for a bit of shelter in a foreign land, I have cried like a blind person for a bit of compassion and an ounce of aid. I have cried and whimpered in pain like an impaired person for quick recovery, I have cried like an infant hungry for love and needing to cling to somebody. I have cried an ocean for my lost ones whom I loved dearly, I have cried in agony, realizing...
Read more