Manifesting


 I am manifesting a sweet guy who'll understand how much it took from me to walk the high roads of Texas , How exhausted my body is from walking miles and how much heat I have absorbed from the Texas Sun above my head.

I want someone to walk beside me  on the bridges of the new cities- hand in hand, side by side along the trails and watch the sunsets while sipping our starbucks coffee.

I want to swim in the Miami beach, see the Florida lakes, wake up in the Colorado red brick sunrays on a Saturday morning,

And, wake up to the sweet dreams in the arms of a sweetheart who can be with me in all trials and trails.

I want someone to notice me behind my smile and fathom how tired I am after all the battles I have fought alone, and listen to me when I am vulnerable, as if he can see my soul piercing through his loving eyes.

I don't want the gaze of a wanderer anymore,

I want someone deep who can heal with his words, calm demeanor and win a globe within me.

I want him to scream my name in the Newyork highway and the billboards to cover our love language.

I want him not to gauge my inches but measure the depth and heights of my ruins, my unspoken struggles, my hidden pain.

The tragedy that I write,

The misery that I speak,

The fear that I hide.

I am scared to be vulnerable again.

May this time a calm person enter my life,

I don't want to face any uproaring beast anymore in this lifetime again.

I wish a deep thinker, a compassionate empath and a lover to cross my path in the snowy ranch of Lubbock.

I want to build a small house with him in a small town near the shore-away from the city crowds, where flowers bloom in every spring and night.

I want him to sing me a lullaby to sleep,

Let him uncover the frightened inner child within me who wants to be sheltered from the Texan heat.

Who wants to be loved like a four year old, 

I want him to understand how I survived hunger, thirst and thousands of silent deaths behind the curtains,

How I overcame the dual game of incompetence and rose again and again.

I want him to melt the frost.

How I crossed the path filled with outrageous filth of malice and stains of stigmatic stereotypes, 

How I fitted myself into roles and got along well!

How I smiled when my heart was raining a monsoon of grievances and the suffrage of sufferings gathered that spring as if witnesses wanted me to suffer more- be an eternal sufferer for lifetime. 

But, I refused to be a side character in my own life story, 

I write and rewrite each chapter of me every now and then, 

I shake the world that I build and then I rebuild it after collapse,

Each coalesced against me turns out feigned,

As if the universe hums with me for my victories and powerful comebacks.

I want him to know every contour that I have taken, 

Every detour that I have mistaken for a destination,

Every forsaken path that led me to a broken hope and a broken vintage home, 

I was restless,clueless! 

I want him to know-

How I stood strong when my wings were broken and bones shaky- yet I refused to slow down, or bend any lower.

I want him to read my untold story.

I want him to hear my soul's cries -

Suppressed  in the graveyard of my heart-

The silent sobs I have cried so many times!

I want him to be my companion in all means from an adventurer to a builder- I want to build my world with him away from the crowds, away from the melancholy of sad lives we've endured for so long!


©® Farheen Akter Bhuian (Nancy)

Tine Frame: 8.37 pm, evening, Lubbock, TX, USA


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